Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

This is a month of dis-ease. Well, firstly, I'm going on a diet for the subsequent weddings that are coming up. Of course, that also comes with a baggage of emotions about one's future and deliberations on how I'm going on in life.

I won't, however dwell on these nonsensical thoughts for now. It also happens that I'm having my period - and perhaps the hormonal imbalance has something to do with it.

Recently, I realise that dieting is less painful than I would have thought. Firstly, it combines my love for cooking that makes everything more palatable. I realised that I actually like iceberg lettuces, I'm able to finally cook the soups that my mum used to cook. In addition, my fridge is finally full of fresh food for once, instead of the usual canned and pre-packed affair. It might be the ketos talking but I find that my fridge also smells nicer.

That might be because of the fresh herbs I bring home anyway.

In any case, there's another source of dis-ease. It's fascinating how 2 very frank persons can come together and decide straightforwardly that admit attraction for each other, and yet things should remain cordial, platonic and distant. I finally understand the source of fear of significant others when they leave for extended periods of time. I know of those fears and insecurity, but now I KNOW. Especially when you're the source that is the cause of the insecurity in the first place.

I don't want to speculate, but the series of events that led to the escalation of the demand for a marriage proposal is not coincidental. Perhaps, this is a sign that I should bow out gracefully.

This brings me back full circle isn't it? The question of what I am going to do with my life and where this is all going. Sometimes the heart is stubborn and it's all up to my pre-frontal cortex (haha some neuroscience joke going on here) to control those emotions.

Messing up with someone else's happiness is something that is out of the question for me. I am actually a wrecker - someone who will not shed a tear over fighting over what I want and think I deserve. However, I also know that there is no point when it was never yours to begin with. I also choose not to destroy and take a bow out of the stage. You know when you care enough to step out so that others can have their chance at uncluttered bliss.

不愉快的凡是让我承担。快乐是个选择，那我选择快乐是属于你们的。