Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

Travelling alone this december, really raised a lot of issues before it has even begun. It can really be sensitive, when you ask someone to invite you into their personal private homes - a rejection can sometimes incur doubt whether we're after all, friends.

There are also those, that promise and initially are very warm to receive you, can nearing to the date, have excuses for not being able to host you. Citing travels with friends, alternative plans and such - didn't we already had a plan early on. It would seem that I'm not "popular" enough to even be on the first-come-first-served basis?

And then there are those who know will receive you, but only do so out of obligation. For cases like these, the ball is now in your court. Do you courteously make excuses so as to avoid making situations awkward? Or just go ahead and hope when you get there, things will be drastically different.

Finally, there are those who seem to have more of a life, and whilst you took the time to visit, they just have too much on their hands that they will can't (even if they are willing) to have you around. It then just makes you sad that you're being left bebind, and after all that distance covered, it seems the difference was never bridged.

Travelling seems to suggest that there is a destination. What if my destination is now wavered, and right now, it feels that the whole meaning of travel is lost. Do I still go? For whom? For myself? What do I do there? Make new friends? Meet new people? If I'm lousy company to start with (hence these problems right?) wouldn't going just put myself up for more heart-breaking moments?

It's all very confusing at the moment, and I hover my mouse over "Book Flight" but something is holding me back from actually clicking the hyperlink.

Suddenly, I only love travelling as much as the people who travel. In some way, I am then quite disappointed with myself.