Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

There are some things which only makes sense when the words are said. It is through those words that thought make sense. Aiyah, in short, it's called speaking without thinking it through.

I've always had issues with people, who take offense towards at how I speak/write and they often accuse me of not "thinking first". Yet some tell me that they understand because "I don't mean it" and the best of my friends forgive. I suppose this is a blow to the ego, after all, who likes to hear bad things about themselves. Then after some time, I realised why I have this "problem".

I've placed problems in inverted commas for a particular reason in which I will explain later.

Psychology informs us that there are different kinds of learning habits. Some people learn better by psycho-motor functions, others aurally or by written word. With learning comes thought, and processing and how we come to make sense of the world around us. Therefore, through speech and writing, I learn and process information - that is, I sense and understand the world better as I speak about it. This should come as no surprise since my favourite past time online is blogging - introspection through writing and speech. Others prefer painting or engaging in sports perhaps?

Which means the problem is that I speak as I think, and my thoughts are made obvious because they can be easily perceived by others. Essentially, I simply cannot think before I speak because the thoughts cannot gel in my head. I don't know if this makes sense, because for others, they feel that thinking before speaking is natural.

I suppose that's why frankness is grating against the nerves, because by virtue of your words reflects about others. But thoughts do change under new circumstances and previous unknowns are now made known. Do we hold judgment against someone for what they have once said, or do we find out what they are actually saying now?

I am not making excuses, that everyone should be more forgiving of people who literally, speak their mind. I'm just pointing out how words are often taken personally, and sometimes with undue over-emphasis. I mean, the Enlightenment radically changed how we think and this individualistic attitude towards how we treat our surroundings - i.e. achievements are our OWN doing (similarly to failure).

My point is that, while my condescending tone may reflect upon my thoughts now, and therefore seem slightly tiresome to deal with, it is by no means that that is ALL that I believe in. I have always tried to work on this issue, to try and slow down, and think before speaking. To give an analogy, it's really like a blind person walking in this all-seeing world, where it takes an additional effort to make your way while others take their visual ability for granted. I can imagine that a blind person would be very happy to simply run free, free from worrying if he/she would fall into a pothole on a road, or tumble down the stairs that lead to the underground trains. He/she makes sense of their immediate vicinity as they are moving, while the seeing already knows what's ahead. If we watched our words all the time, it would be akin to confining a blind person at home simply because they are inept at walking around the streets of a city. But we're also kind, we give way to a blind person, sympathise their efforts to try to make their living a better one...we try to understand.

So perhaps there are different kinds of shortcomings, some more obvious than others. All will surface under the right circumstances. The question is whether we are prepared to acknowledge and take things a little less personally. It takes two to clap, it takes one to try to overcome a weakness, and another to lend the supporting hand over an occasional bump in the road.

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I have faith that my friendship is strong enough, such that they will tell me when I've crossed the line, or have gone too far. Like a blind person, sometimes I need people to point me in the right direction. No one can do it alone.