Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

Karl told me that he's a very heartless person, and somehow at the back of my mind, I wonder why would anyone want to say that about themselves, when often they just want to portray a positive image about themselves to other people right? Why would anyone want to have a bad image about themselves because people might be turned off and run the other direction?

Then it got me thinking, like perhaps the way being heartless is paradoxically, what drives people to you. People don't take you for granted, and with your personality, they might realise that they like having you around. So therefore, they just don't want to lose you more than you care to lose them. They keep in contact with you, they become afraid of losing you. They stop taking you for granted. Compared that with someone who cares a lot, who will go all out to meet you at whatever occasion and time of the day, you start to expect that they person will always come through for you. It later feels like you feel that you're only friends with someone because of what they do for you and only miss them when they're gone, or have somehow stopped doing the things they usually do because they are tired of you taking them for granted.

So maybe it's good to be heartless, to be selfish, to just content with being alone because paradoxically that's what people are drawn towards. They are also selfish no? They are also afraid of losing people and at the end of the day, it's about who misses who more, who wants the other person in their lives more than take up the effort.

I am tired, and till the day when I feel I am taken for granted, I will leave. Because it's also time for you to reach out TO ME if you want me as your friend/daughter/cousin/niece. Maybe it's better to die to make people realise how important you are in their lives. Maybe some other people are lucky to not be in this situation. I always look forward to the end of the year because I get to meet up with friends. However, somehow I'm starting to doubt, who actually wants to meet me?