Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

I am a firm believer that action speak louder than words. Yes I know, sometimes when I speak, it's also very loud. HAHA!

Anyway! That's not my main point. I think these couple of days (seems like eons), time have been passing really slowly. I feel that it's slow because there are a lot of things occupying my mind. I never could express what I feel well - that is, although I wear my emotions on my sleeve and can be counted as an open book, often that is the book I want you to read. For that, I'm really appreciative of the friends who bother to read between the lines, metaphors and ironies I put off in this book. Speaking of books, there's a reason why I'm blogging.

This exam has been the most torturous yet. I think once you lose conviction about what you're studying, everything becomes a chore. Like I mentioned before, I have become disillusioned with Geography, and find that perhaps I've jumped into the wrong major. However I have not lost my passion for cultural studies - I just perhaps, need to start living it, rather than reading about it. There's this growing impatience to hop right into the working world to get down and dirty. After all, knowledge is not just about accumulating, it's also through practice and experience.

This brings me to my next point. Experience can be great teachers and it is my biggest wish that I learn from it. I am trying to do things differently this time, perhaps take a little more time, be a little more skeptical/apprehensive, and just see things from a different perspective. Helping others help me, I don't know how to convey my thoughts except in writing. My love language, is one of touch, time spent with others and service. I can have problems telling people that I love them or I don't find an inclination of giving exorbitant gifts to show my affections. Having said, I understand that love requires language - whichever form it might take, and I'm starting to learn that it also takes patience, experience and care. I must learn from experience.

This couple of weeks have been confidence boosters, thanks to the most awesome caring friends who have never gave up on me, eve though occassionally, I might have given up myself. Self-criticism does that to you isn't it?

This time with myself, books, and talking to people - have allowed me to revise one of my life's philosophy: your life is never your own - because it's intangibly tied up with others around you, who depend on you, whom also depend on you in return. Yet it's always actions speaking louder than words, and while honeysuckle words may balm the soul, it's the action and intention behind those words that coat my life with sugar.

I will learn to be a less critical and skeptical person - because while my mum's illness and life's other travesties have made me more pessimistic about life, my mum's living example was always one of optimisim.

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I'm sorry that I didn't get to spend your birthday with you. I'm sorry for not visiting you for the longest time…I'm sorry that I shouted at your mother, I'm sorry that the last words we spoke together were in anger. Mummy…我真的好想你，我不要再是当个断了线的风筝。