CLAUD

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

order in chaos

Hey folks…thanks for the smses of concern and kindness, I think my previous post could have been too depressing such that it triggered alarms and worries of sorts. I apologise for making you all worry.

The previous post was more of an intellectual concern…a worry that I might be displaced from my friends due to the pursuit of my studies. It's actually a small concern rather than a big one.

However, these few days I've been feeling under the weather for a variety of reasons. One is that of my modules…I can feel levels are starting to stack up and I no longer can be complacent in my approach. The gender module definitely had set things very straight for me - that I need to focus and make a stand.

So the first downer was whether to choose Sociology or Geography as my first major. I seriously thought and debate about wanting to do a double degree for both. However, I suppose NUS doesn't give 2 Bachelor of Social Sciences degrees, it wouldn't make sense - administratively. I'll be talking to Prof Skelton in hopes she'll illuminate me. I really need someone on the inside to tell me more, before I make a decision I'll regret later.

Secondly is my social life. This semester, many of my NUS close friends are graduating and I'll definitely miss them terribly. I remembered my first day in school was for GE1101E and Prof Chang mentioned how learning is a community, and webcast will never be the same because learning must be done together. I'll definitely miss the good times in NUS. Thanks Yongquan for brightening up my day with the stuff from Taiwan…I've placed the facial masks in the fridge, hope my dad doesn't mistake them for food. HAHAHA!

Thirdly, is my personal life. I don't always have a clear direction of who I am as a person, what and who I want to be with. I have shed the strict rules of the checklists and go with the flow, that if someone makes me happy being in their company, I shouldn't let that person go. However, it's as difficult, if not more difficult to find that special connection. I think that's why they say making friends in school are those that you'll keep for life. It's because we've grown up together, seen each other in our worst and best states - that kind of privacy is difficult to attain in public life. There will be acquaintances, however, there is a limit in which we reveal our innermost selves. I wonder, if I'm the only one feeling this way or is my assumptions about 'good friends' one that is fallacious, and the rest of the friends I'm with only care to have a good time.

I'll find a way out somehow…people have the ability to survive and adapt in any situation, I must have faith in my own strength to overcome such that this gloomy times will not last long.

17:56