CLAUD

Friday, December 31, 2010

insecurities and moments of weaknesses

I first heard moment of weakness uttered from Kris's lips and I felt that it was so apt to describe many things.

we normally live our day in a routine fashion until some thing or someone, triggers a problem or shadow that has long taken a back seat. It's pretty hard to shake that feeling and you seem to have to solve that problem before you can move on. Some people manage to solve it, renew their lives, have an epiphany like EAT PRAY LOVE and earn millions writing about their experiences, while others just bury them beneath more emotional junk and move on.

I'm those that face my problems head on and will try to cry, bleed and even lose sleep until a solution can be resolved.

However, life's little unpleasantness hits us once again and we get thrown off and those moments of weaknesses surface to remind us that we're not perfect.

Yet, I feel that every time when a curve ball comes, I resurface becoming a new person and this makes my life a little better. Perhaps we're not meant to achieve great things, but to achieve little truimphs that will somehow lead us to that one great thing we aspire to. Maybe hurdles tell us more about our personality strengths than our weakness - that what we think is strong, is actually weak and what our weakness is, may actually be turned into strength.

So what i'm hitting at is that life's struggles, to me see more like truimphs. Simply a moment of weakness, rather than utter failure. A war is never won by one battle, it is won by assorted soldiers overcoming their own enemy, and collectively winning the war for their country which is collectively theirs.

I still struggle with issues about sexuality, weight, self-image and self-worth. I continue to doubt my strengths in academia whenever I don't score well or not write something worthy enough to be read. But that's all right, because some one like your friends and family, will say something utterly sweet and flattering, that somehow those failures are dwarfed by the enormity of the weight their sweet words carry. I'm never paiseh to ask for help...

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I look forward to the day where you finally find the equilibrium you are looking for. You may not always agree with how I think, after all, this is your life, but I wish for you to be happy. My only hope, is that you find happiness in the process of planning projects you set out for yourself. I feel, whether you achieve them doesn't really matter as long as you find what you were looking for, then instead, you have achieved something more substantial beyond what is the tangible. Einstein always said, "it's never finding the right answers, it's always asking the right questions." Asking the right questions have helped me so far…I hope it will for you <3

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