CLAUD

Sunday, August 29, 2010

qualification of marraige

Today my dad's sister (aunt) came over to my house with her family. Had a mini-family conference to update her about the issues of my family - and to ask them for help, although they have already offered it before they even stepped through my front door. Goodness for kind souls.

But any way, my aunt was asking me about my future plans after I graduate. I told her I want to be a professor and teach in a university. She was laughing and said, "don't be professor la! later cannot find husband."

So according to her it was: qualification = better-abled = no man wants to be your husband (traditional gender roles...).

Then again, is it because u take the time to seek higher qualifications, then you have no time to find a husband, and therefore remain single?

OR...that you've "seen the light" and no longer see a need to have a husband?

I guess it's a blend of all three. Even so, don't people want love and companionship? Although marriage is not always possible, what about a relationship? It's quite interesting to see how marriage is often seen as something desirable, something to aim for and that white wedding gown is something we should somehow all aspire to attain.

Many times, we forget to consider that marriage also takes work. It's also ugly business and not every marriage is a happily-ever-after. So why bother?

In matters of practicality, it's because I want to move out and have my own HDB flat - before the age of 35. Back to the point, higher qualifications = no marriage is quite an interesting correlation, although not necessarily causation.

My personal logic is that: When you read more, research more - you sometimes find things that will forever change how you see things. You no longer think the way you did before. So common issues, taken-for-granted facts, become more complex. As a result, your thinking distances you from others and fundamentally, people cannot understand why you think this way, or why you can support certain actions. Then friction occurs and therefore, your partner and you can no longer see things on the same level.

That's why PHD holders can't seem to find spouses that have lesser qualifications? Not that they find others not 'smart' enough, but that the thinking is being so distanced that no connection is possible. I suppose being qualified, is not a qualification of marriage.

Then is there no hope for us all?

I suppose the easiest is to marry someone whom is also a PHD holder? However, given the probabilities, it's more likely that you not marry at all.

Then how to reconcile different viewpoints?

I think the whole missing argument here is that of the person. People can change, switch, suit and adapt. Doctorate holders don't always talk about intellectual issues ALL the time...doctorate holders also eat, also have sexual urges and also have hobbies. So maybe putting doctorates at a pedestal is the very downfall of relationships. So sacred, that potential partners are discouraged from thinking about them as people. I sure don't think about Buddha as a person I want to have kids with - although he was a person, and also a wonderful teacher (professor of philosophy?) and preacher.

Metaphorically, PHD holders are 'little Buddhas' that people revere and are also slightly apprehensive about. I don't necessarily think that PHD = automatic disqualification of marriage. If we play down PHD holders as just normal blokes, maybe they're not so 'inaccessible' afterall.

So there is hope afterall! =)

This is a very cheerful and optimistic Claudia speaking now...maybe this post might take a different tone when I'm 30, with dried up ovaries, sitting with 4 walls filled with books. HAHAHA

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