CLAUD

Thursday, July 29, 2010

the emotions talk whenever the flock dock.

These few days I don't feel so well. It has nothing to do with physical health, although having your monthlies is never a good feeling.

To add salt to the wound, having met 3 different insane people at the MRT station in a week is not very comforting. Sometimes I wish I can join them.

It's true that my relatives and family affect me to a very large extent. It's not something new and I feel like I'm bothering non-related people by ranting to them (sorry folks) because it's none of their concern. Hence 'non-related'.

For the sake of my sanity, I need to tell someone...it's my way of coping. Some people draw, some people play the piano, some people watch dramas. I think when I 'talk it out' (which is probably why some people accuse me of talking too much).

So now I'm at Esplanade library, writing so that I can talk to myself. Or at least let the hormones do the talking.

We all live our own lives and our problems tend to be in focus of our lives. It is afterall, what's bothering us the most isn't it? I confess sometimes it's easy to slip into the whole 'I am vulnerable, so please come and comfort me now' mode and forget that there are others who need help and probably need it more than me.

This post makes me feel guilty in some way, because I think I've bothered my friends enough - both old and new. And I also know some of them will be more than happy to be bothered, which then makes me also guilty.

HAHA...ok, I can see Xinyi already saying "no darl, you no need feel guilty ok? We are here because we want to."

That kind of things makes me feel even more bad. So maybe the solution is to be more thick-skinned. HAHAHAHAHA!

in any case, it's perhaps pride that results in the guilt. The fact that you might want to carry everything on your shoulders and not rely on anyone else. However, it's not possible and I sometimes don't like people saying 'you're an independent woman' because that implies that I don't need a shoulder to cry on.

Fact is, I do. And these days, I do need a shoulder from time to time. Company never fails to cheer me up =D....and distract me from emo things.

And I do enjoy people taking over from time to time. HAHAHA!

(note to self: hire wedding planner)

I am not strong...I just have very good friends who don't mind (or are too nice) lending me a listening ear. However, they have their own lives, and their own problems and it would not be fair to them as well.

So hopefully school starts soon so I can take my mind off things and distract myself from whatever that is bothering me...so as sick as it sounds. I hope NUS can start soon.

I may regret making this statement.

However, on the upside of things, I'm really excited form my 21st party...I think the mood of my party is probably going to weird some people out, if you're not the sporting sort.

It's nothing shocking, like asking you to come nude.

(for the 100 millionth time because I'm endlessly grateful to these 2 ppl) Thanks to NAT and Chris for offering to plan/decorate/clean/sweep/kill any suspicious insects/comfort the distressed hostess/do the relevant sai-kang.

and of course Rovin who's Nat's PA and lending the additional help. I will da-pao more food for you. Chris and you can have an eating competition.

Much appreciation to Xinyi for offering to stay all 3 days and coming with entertainment ideas.

Thanks Cat for offering her PS3 for my chalet. (anyone wanna contribute Wii? Cat! Can I play Little Big World again? HAHA!)

Thanks Terrena for offering to make the decorations =)

(ok this is sounding like an award show...HAHAHA)

and Thanks to Pinhao and Yongquan for being my sounding board about giving guys flowers and the many witty suggestions. I will take the yellow box idea. HAHAHA!

In any case...I'll be posting the chalet details soon la...Super excited about it and I can't wait!

And yes I'm feeling better after venting all these insecurities and you reading them...HAHAHA...thanks for listening - whoever you are =D

16:17