Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

I have been listening to a lot of love songs lately, reading to chick-lit because anything else reminds me of journals (plus they always have good endings) and watching a lot of shows - which by Hollywood standards, are 99.9% ending with the chick kissing the dick.

No, not the metaphorical dick. They are very much PG-rated shows thankyouverymuch.

In any case, I was wondering what makes love so enticing to the mind and everything else (even Marx and Durkheim) seem only second best. For instance, I really do enjoy reading Harvey, but for some reason, their knowledge and arguments can never 'sell' me the fantasy of a better world - although their jobs are forever changing the world we live in. Somehow, we are never completely sold by their ideas.

On the other hand, romantic films, books and music sell platinum numbers and then some more. How many times we listen to a love song and teared, or hold on to a chick-lit novel hoping that some gallant knight in shiny armor will come to rescue you...etc. Yet, those fantasy of a better world are no less probable than Marx's communist regime. The difference is that we buy it (literally) and we are willing to be sold by it as well.

Some people probably have some notion of what I'm saying...."sex sells!" or "people are always looking for love."

But what is it about love that makes us WANT it...closer friends will know my obsession with this erm...area?

Love brings pain because the loss is greater, words and actions done will hurt more. So rationally speaking - humans will maximise their self-interest. Economically speaking, people will stay away from love right?

I don't suppose that logic works. Even a sociopath (a person with no human-ly feelings whatsoever) will tell you that love doesn't quite work like that.

Firstly, what the media sells of love - is a fantasy. In life, precisely because there is no happily-ever-after that makes this fantasy so attractive to us, consumers. We buy it because we don't have it. Makes sense yes? If we follow that train of thought, then why don't we also buy the ideas in journals or books? They also sell a fantasy that we don't have currently. Why, even learned people in Universities also occasionally indulge in the fantasy of the happily-ever-after. However, we must divorce romance from love. The two do not go together. People don't want to believe that because it means that all the 'fun' will be thrown out as well - that's why grand gestures, romantic ways and candlelight dinners are attractive. They are attractive precisely because they do not exist in reality. We are attracted to what we do not have.

I personally think it is because we see emotions as something as less. We want the tangible manifestations of candlelight dinners and roses to be assured that the other person still cares. Subconsciously, in our actions, we do not take our emotions seriously. We dismiss emotions for the more positivist and calculable odds (like the $90 bouquet).

This is where we throw economists out of the window. Opportunity cost does not apply to Love.

Love does not mean displays of affection. It doesn't mean you have to feel that warm fuzzy feeling all the time. For me, it is something that is steady - like when that person creeps into your heart, he/she never leaves. It would mean more when that person can spend time with you, know your tempers and be there when you need it most. Romance and candles do not necessary mean these things are in place.

I would rather be given an ice-cream cone for valentine's day (or any other day) than flowers because they mean more. It shows that he knows and he doesn't give a damn if I put on an additional kg because of the dairy sins that are infused in that deep dark cream chocolate cone.

Secondly, we believe that we can attain that fantasy more readily than utopia because it is individualistic. Meaning, 'it is my life and affects my life only'. My happiness matters here - so when I marry my future husband (wherever the hell he is), it is my choice and my life that is affected. However, many times, we do not see the long term effects of a union - marriage or not. It affects everyone around you. Your life changes because it no longer revolves around you anymore. Your friends, family and even a pet will be affected by that new person that enters into your life.

Ever hear what people always say? You never just marry your spouse. You marry the family as well. From the looks of mine, I can tell you that is very very true. They are there - through hell or high water.

Why am I writing this? A case of sour grapes?