CLAUD

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

apologies cannot be accepted

before my title can raise any alarms, let me just disclaim that nothing bad has happened recently...so you people can chill...

I got so sick of writing about breast feeding for the moment that I decide to just write about something else =)

Often we say something and act upon what we feel is right and justified. Occasionally it was the slip of the tongue. Sometimes, we don't mean what we say, but we meant the intention behind what we say; that is to make the person feel better about themselves which in turn makes it justified in return.

So after that, it hurts someone's feelings - and then what do we do?

I don't consider myself an expert in hurting people's feelings and then knowing how to deal with the aftermath of it. If I am, I would have no friends reading my blog. HAHA

In any case, sometimes saying 'sorry' is not enough and can never counterbalance the deed that has already been done. However, saying sorry is necessary, because it marks the first step towards what I feel is more important: understanding.

Sometimes the person who has been hurt, doesn't want an apology, but want an understanding on the part of those who have hurt him/her that it has happened and why it happened. Sorry is not much as cure, as it is a bandage. It is only temporary and can only heal superficial wounds, dissipating the tension. However, for a matter to truly resolve is perhaps to seek a common understanding. Understanding is, in my opinion, the sincerest apology.

So perhaps after saying sorry, one can follow up with asking how or what one did that has made the tense situation happen. After all, if we're all friends and family, then we would care enough to stoop below our pride. If it does not happen (outwardly or inwardly), then perhaps the person is not that interested in you. Since they do not matter if you care, why should you care if they matter right?

It's pretty harsh and straightforward. Yet, it is also in the form of a dare. Don't mistaken me by saying that if a person doesn't approach the hurt-tee, it means that they don't care. Understanding can take place on many folds. As long as you know and you believe you have tried, then I do think that it's also a testament of your sincerity as well. Communication don't always have to happen between words.

I'm a firm believer in future actions justifying the past. Some actions can only be understood in retrospect - and perhaps we will appreciate them better once we know the outcome of it. So hurting can be part of a larger process of change, one that has not unfolded itself yet. Being hurt is not being a victim; I don't think the two are necessarily synonymous, because it implies that the one doing the hurting is not. Perhaps there is a possibility for TWO victims of a necessary situation? In doing so, don't forget that there are others around you as well - and forgetting them is in essence doing yourself injustice.

=) Sorry has outpatient care procedures that leads to total healing as well!

23:06