CLAUD

Saturday, March 06, 2010

a long time

I think I know somehow how a gambling addict feels like. Hahaha...I have been playing poker for a long time now and it is the hope that you will someday win big that keeps me going - despite losing 15k in one night. You keep telling yourself that you will win it back.

Hahaha...what a sad thing right? I sound like a no-lifer.

_______________________

This semester, I feel like in a holiday mood. Perhaps I still refuse to acknowledge that sem has started and I'll probably pay for it by not making it to dean's list this year. However, the reason why I am not really 'putting it in' is because last sem, I worked myself into overdrive that it becomes very tiring.

I am not sure whether I want to be a workaholic anymore. I realised that there are more important things in life - friends, family, life. It made me wonder that while I enjoy the buzz of working my ass off, it also makes me very empty inside. Then Chris says he wanna surpass me when he goes into uni by joining hall, taking part in hall activities and stuff AND still do well. This makes me very pressured and I don't that feeling.

It's hard to make sense of what the future might bring. But I am upset that people are leaving me....when people say they want to migrate in the future, it makes me want to leave also. Like what's the point right?

I will leave and I don't know if by doing so, I will actually be breaking the hearts of so many people. Furthermore, for someone who believes so much in face-to-face contact, the thought of leaving someone, is painful for me too. The thought of someone leaving me is even more.

You know, being left behind?

Hahaha....some rambling thoughts because I don't know what will I do, if my closest friends leave me. I sometimes wish I can be at 100 million places at once so that I can be close to them...

Since when is Claudia such a mushy-shitcky baby?!

HAHAHA....I am durian. on the surface I am hard and thorny...but inside I am all soft and squishy =X

12:41