CLAUD

Friday, November 13, 2009

I guess it has come down to this huh...

my lawyer met with us today, he proposed that instead of allowing them to blow things out of proportion, and to prevent the worse case scenario from happening (i.e. my dad has to work with all 3 of them, or the judge rules in their favour and have them control my mum's assets without my dad), he suggested 'settling out of court' and get my dad to just work with ONE of my mum's relatives.

It sounds reasonable to me... i rather have my 2nd aunt on board rather than them because at least she genuinely cares about my mum. It's a practical thing actually. In that way, it's not 3 against 1, it's just the both of them...yes no doubt that she will be influenced by my uncle, but my dad can also stamp down and say meeting will only consist of my aunt and my dad. things will be black and white...and it'll be official. In that sense, they also cannot try anything funny. so no other 3rd parties can or should be involved by order of law. it's a win-win situation that we can get my uncle out of the picture and make him shut up. and when i turn 21, i can apply to be part of the committee also. then in that sense, if we don't agree, we can vote it and majority will win...

what i'm afraid of is that we'll always not agree on things and we'll always have to go to court to fight it out...(i.e. get a judge to decide for us) so it'll be pressuring on them also because my aunt won't want to spend that money to go to court over every small matter. and if the judge keeps seeing this, then perhaps he'll consider otherwise.

So i guess it's a matter of the lesser of 2 evils, and this time, my dad will have the upper-hand. Because in that sense, when my aunt don't agree, he can always use the court to make that decision. Like for instance, if they want to move my mum out of the hospital, we can always protect my mum's interest using the court.

It's not what both my dad and i want, but for now, perhaps it's the best arrangement we can come up with.

In a manner of speaking, if my aunts they all can't agree with my dad, we can then build a case and show how we cannot work with each other and so when i turn 21, i'll be able to take care as well.

Haiz...today i had a long talk with my nanny (she stays just 2 blocks away from me) and i finally found a 'counsellor'...i think talking it out makes me think better and now i find i have alternatives.

As for my dream of being a geologist?

I think it remains to be a dream. I am not depressed about it - but i am definitely mournful. it doesn't mean that i've given up on my love for Earth...it's perhaps not meant to be?

At least now my plan is to do well for Geog and Soci, and then if i do well enough, get a scholarship from NUS to do post-grad studies and then be a lecturer! Haha...like what my friends in NUS said: "You should be an academic" not that i'm influenced by their comments...but i find i like writing papers and doing research. No human is only 1 dimensional right? everyone has multiple intelligences and capabilities.

I want to push the limits to see how far i can go. I'm still going to continue on with Chem and see...if my academic path ends with a degree (can't get scholarship etc etc.) then at least Chemistry will open more roads for me.

It's perhaps like a backup plan.

It makes me more focused on my up-coming exam. after today, I need to concentrate on mugging already. I find that I can make it if i want it.

Like the musical Wicked: is Happy is what happens, when all your dreams comes true?

Perhaps i've been sold the idea by media/books that achieving ur dreams is the thing that makes u happier. However, like the remade Wicked Witch from the West, perhaps the wicked witch is not evil, just perhaps misunderstood and in the end, she was despised and hated by the village over a rumour...yet she is happy with life because she did the right thing.

I don't bank my happiness on anything anymore. Not men, not achievements, not fulfillment. I don't think happiness is something you seek. It's perhaps something that happens. In that moment, in that laughter, in this life.

My nanny's right: my mum wanted me to grow up...she in her way, forced me to grow up fast. i don't know how things will go on from here...but i'm hopeful. It's a little like starting over isn't it? And it never is a bad thing....=)

_______________________________________

Yesterday met up with xuan, kenneth and junwei...it's be AGES...haha, quite happy to have met them...they all made me laughed until my cheeks cramped, despite the stupid headache...=D thanks xuan for organising and the panadol!

let's do this again someday!

18:29