CLAUD

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Finding a Way

I can finally HEAVE a sigh of relief.

It feels right. It feels good to have a goal in the end and to not have to burden my family for it.

I think sometimes, when one has too clear of a goal in the first place, it's very hard to compromise. Everyone has different things that they are reluctant to let go. Some could be family, some could be lovers, some could be friends. But none so important as making sure those around you also feel comfortable. When you start making people around you uncomfortable by holding on too tight, it becomes not a passion, but an obsession.

I think these 2 years have taught me a lot (besides what happened to my mum) about myself. It's hard for me to live and let live, and even harder for me to let go after what has happened because I though that it was the only thing left of me. However, it's starting to dawn on me what I've been missing the obvious. I still have friend-ly support and family. My relatives may be fucked up, but at least my dad's side is willing to listen. A very startling turn of events. It's like my life is renewed again.

So when today PSB academy told me that I can be admitted for their Life Science Foundation Programme to do a bridging course for my Bachelor of Science (Chemistry), I cannot explain how terribly scared and yet happy. It's like it has finally come to you...an option that finally exists and you are startled that for once, something works.

Maybe you don't open doors, but doors open themselves to you, and it's up to you to walk through it.

I think right now, I have a goal. Chemistry can still take me closer to Geology. I think it's important as well to think that it's going to be a long road ahead and I will do well if I put my heart to it.

I'm excited! Finally something is happening and I'll just see where that takes me. If I don't do Geology, at least I can do Chemistry, which started this whole geology-geochemistry thing in me. I don't mind a least bit....I think the more important to pick up where I've left off and start my life again.

I still wish that my mum's relatives could have walked me through this and made sure that I have a peace of mind to take care of my mum and study at the same time. Being selfish people as they are, they don't really give a damn to how difficult a period this is for both my dad and myself.

I'm glad that I made a new friend in my maid. It's even harder to let her go.

At least today, I have a goal in mind...I can proceed. But be warned! I'll be so busy, if i don't reply ur smses...i'm saying sorry in advance! i'll still reply...just abit later. HAHA...

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我最后悔是我们没有把这件事谈完。每次我们谈到读书的事情，都是躲躲闪闪，没有正面说。现在我们的对话，终于可以画上据点。去年这时候，我们的感情受到我的野心而变得尴尬和无奈。女儿知错了，妈，对不起。这次我会让您为我感到骄傲的！

15:43