The dangers of a perfectly rational human being...to kill in a conviction where it is necessary to do so where the lost of that being is of no loss to society.

I believe Hitler was totally rational. The rational solution to establish your supreme power and race was to eliminate all others. His regime invented efficient ways where "you can register them after breakfast, process them before lunch and bury what's left for supper."

I don't want to lose whatever humanity that is left. That sense of compassion and passion. In other words, the feeling of jadedness.

Why am I afraid?

Because I've come to realise that the most comforting way to fill this void in my heart and to deal with the sadness in my life brought about by certain individuals, was to eliminate what's causing this stress. It's the "Final Solution" isn't it?

But that would make me a monster and that is a downward spiral that i won't want to dive into. Yet everytime when shit happens, i try to rationalise the next thing to do...and everytime a bit of my soul dies.

If this keeps up, i don't know how much soul will be left in me.

This is the first birthday that i wont celebrate with my mum out for dinners.

It is also the first where i feel exceptionally melancholic and doubt my existence. Why bother at all, when we are just 1 speck of the millions of specks out there. There is no significance in each and everyone of our existence isn't there? We only exist because we feel. So if we stop feeling, then we are dead.

I don't want to die. I also don't want to feel. So tell me...what am i supposed to do?

I feel like a ghost who cannot cross over. Like a person who cannot go back to her body and live again, and a person who cannot move on to eternal paradise and enlightenment.

I'm afraid. I'm fallible. I am also human.

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