CLAUD

Monday, September 14, 2009

Explosion

I felt Plinian today...that's a Volcano-speak for "The Most Explosive Eruption ever Recorded".

My mum's entry to Renci has been met with the most resistance. Today is no different.

My dad was trying to explain to my grandma why there was this confusion when things blew up.

My grandma accused my dad of lying to her. My dad was trying to explain to her all the issues that has been happening thus far (their accusal for our application for the court order in the first place, then after that bringing my mum home etc). She started to throw the most ridiculous of accusations at us. Like how my dad's brother has ulterior motives to "crush" (chinese translation) my mum via influencing my dad and myself.

Then i just blew it. After hearing those ridiculous accusations, i shouted at her to right the wrong things. I told her that she never once came to clarify those things and came to her own conclusions about the problems. If she had just come to clarify with me, i'll be more than happy to explain it truthfully to her.

Then i go abit carried away by saying that her own children has made our lives a living hell and partly my mum has to go Renci is because her words to me was to always take care of my grandma. I told her that i'm just following what my mum told me - i asked if anyone has considered that fact. I told her that she's old and retired and all my mum's life was dedicated to making those around her as comfortable as possible. I told her that being a grandma, she's the closest thing to a mother as it's ever going to get. I told her that my mum would not see my marry, nor have children etc...to go through life with me - and i'm barely even 20.

She said that i was cold-hearted and didn't care about my mum now that i'm all grown up. I shot her off by telling her that in the day, she would want to spend time with my mum. The visitors come all the way here to spend time with my mum and i can hardly be selfish to rob their precious time. So i told her that as a daughter, i'll make way for the rest...that i can talk to my mum at night. But you people just have to crowd me out. Whatever words i say to my mum is private, it's not for the world to hear. I told her to verify this information with my maid. I always go into the room at night to say good night to my mum. I told her that if she didn't see it, she cannot assume that i didn't do it. It's grossly unfair....

Sometimes, i think telling people off is good therapy. I don't condone it of course, but sometimes, i have no choice. If i don't speak up, i never will....and sometimes seniority just have to listen once in a while.

She was shocked when she heard about what we had to say about my dad's stolen cum swapped handphone and the ransacking. I don't think her children told her about it. Big surprise.

I keep asking her to consider the fact that we, as a family, know what we're doing and to give us time to prove ourselves. I told her that even before that happens, you all are scrambling to gain control over this, criticise that....without ever letting us have a say in the first place..

I must have broke her heart when i told her that i'm disappointed in their family - one that i thought i could trust and were open to discussion. it turned out that it was all fake and for appearance. I told her that family don't need appearances because whatever you do, it's in your heart.

I'm sorry for screaming and i'm sorry for losing my temper. But i'm not sorry for setting things straight.

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I hope that the judge can be kind and see my relatives for the people that they are - fanatics, selfish, delusional and proud. I don't want to see my family robbed again, of the peace and calm that we so deserve. I don't want my dad to go to court, but I have little choice.

Sometimes they say that choices shape our destiny. Now I scoff at that statement. There are some choices that were made for us, that transforms our destiny and we have not the slightest control over it. It is not fate, it is not destiny - it is just the way it is. It is because we humans have evolved to such a state where we can simulate the future and imagine the past. If we didnt' have this ability, we wouldn't be in the state we are now - there would be no wars, no conflict. There would be no such things as assumptions. Assumptions are the root cause for all miscommunication, and above all, pride. When we assume, we think we know and are too proud to admit the possibility that we may be wrong. When you assumptions are contested, you feel uneasy because your pride is proved wrong. I think courageous people are those who dare to say that they can be wrong and who are able to admit that they are, when pointed out.

22:55