Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

Have you ever felt despair?

It's a feeling that sucks you in and leaves you floundering on the edge before reeling you back to what you have not done and the whole cycle starts all over again.

My father came back last night to tell me that my uncle got a chinese doctor to come and look at my mum. My dad said that he saw the chinese doctor press some acupuncture points on my mum's hand and her hands moved. So my uncle and father decide to try and talk to the doctor into bringing my mum home, for a few days to a week, for treatment. While realising how the doctor will not release my mum on the basis of such phony treatments, they're going to have a discussion this afternoon on how to lie to the doctor baout it.

I told my dad this is insane and that it's not going to be feasible. I'm also very upset because my dad didn't consult me beforehand before promising them anything. I feel neglected, like my opinions don't matter. This is not a matter of leadership or what, it's daughter-ship. It is my right to know.

That's why yesterday night, after having an argument with my dad, i decided to just bunk in at yvonne's house. This is simply because i can no longer stand the atrocities that will lie ahead in front of me. It's plain ridiculous and it's INSANE, not to mention, illegal. I will sue them if they do it. I will do it.

I don't have the patience and compassion to let them do whatever they want anymore simply because they, including my father, are not thinking straight.

What more can u ask for? The doctors already told me that all parts of my mum's brain, except the vital functions, are damamged. ALL PARTS OF MY MUM'S BRAIN, EXCEPT THE VITAL FUNCTIONS, ARE GONE. which part of that my uncle don't udnerstand?

my dad still dare to tell me that my uncle understands the medical reports. I told him, how can he be so sure? if he understands, he wouldn't be doing any of this. then my father told me, "girl, you cannot be like that. You know people hate you because of this or not?"

like i give a damn about those people. If they hate me, it's only because they don't understand shit. if they understand me, they wouldn't act the way they did AND hate me for it. It's because they're afraid to know i'm right. I'm sure even people who disagree with me during projects and school would agree with me now. It's impossible to cure, we can only give my mum time to recover. I have no idea what these people are thinking.

As for my dad, all i can say is that he cares more about pleasing other people, than my mum. If he had the best interests of my mum at heart, he wouldn't promise them so readily. So all i can say is that he loves avoiding trouble more.

That's why when he comes to fetch me later, i will tell him that if you go to the meeting and carry on with this insane plan, i will not come home. I already have a home in yvonne's house and i can take care of myself. My father needs me. I don't need my dad.

I'm so sick and tired of this moronic battle which is both fruitless and pointless. It's tiring enough to take care of my mum, it's even more tiring to also care for a father who doesn't support you or be there for you when u need him most. Sometimes i wish that the one lying there is my dad or myself.

Mummy, if you can feel what i feel, you'll know what i'm doing is correct.