CLAUD

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Sick. AND Tired.

Note: Hours before the author published this post, she had had uber-depression and white-rage anger. However, thanks to the aid of Mos Burger and it's Unagi rice burger and clam chowder soup, she is finally more coherent to talk about

MY UNCLE ARH....wah...someone - keep all the knives away from me or be ready to bail me out on a murder charge.

It all started yesterday.

I was sitting at my corner, playing Sims to pass the time while keeping 1 ear and 1 eye on my mum (literally). Then my uncle came and i decided to plug in both ears while still keeping 1 eye on my mum for well, obvious reasons due to some unpleasant past history . HA.HA.

He then came over to me and asked what is my mum's condition. So i was puzzled at the fact that my aunts didn't tell him -that my mum's brain is 50% gone and she has less than 1% chance of waking up. Due to these facts, she stands a high risk of developing a heart attack. That was when i decided that since we're all family, we shouldn't keep secrets with regards with one and another. Sucked it in and told him the truth.

In between my explanations, my uncle interjected some (brainless) questions. It kinda told me that he don't really understand what' i'm saying. So i explained to him that the doctors actually had a host of tests to do before determining the current state of my mum. He was quite obstinate and asked me ,"so damaged is can repair or dead?" Although i was already very irritated, i explained myself again - that brain damage is irreversible. (take note that i already told him a few times already)

AFTERWHICH...he started to say the following words,

"If the doctor say this, then i think it's time to change her doctor. There's no use keeping this doctor since they cannot cure here. What's the point we pay them so much they give us such a lousy report....1%...what doctor will say that? He expects us to wait for her to die is it? No...we must change her doctor."

imagine my fury...i decided enough was enough, and put my foot down firmly. I told him that my stand in all this is to accept the fact that my mum's condition is as such and this has nothing to do with the doctor. I reminded him again that brain damage is irreversible. He scolded me and said that she's my mum, how can i say such a thing. How i should be more optimistic and all.

=.=

know what? I just decided to be rude and told him," i'm not being pessimistic, i'm being realistic."

coming from a person who has no manners, he just walked out on the conversation.

At that moment, i have lost like 99% respect for him....he's weak, a coward and a loser who always need my mum to bail him out - literally. he almost got into jail once for stealing 12000 bucks. and HE wants to talk morals with me? tell me how a daughter "should" behave?

I called my aunts (my dad of course) to talk to them about their brother and how he have been treating me. one of my aunts told me that on that very day when they told my uncle about my mum, and how operation was out of the question because my mum would just die, he remarked saying, "where got things cannot operate one? the doctor know one anot?"

Like my week wasn't lousy enough already, these things have to happen today.>>

Today, i went out to get some tissue boxes for my mum. When i came back, i saw my aunt, him and my grandaunt there with my grandma. So after some light chatting, he suddenly say he'll talk to his friend this friday and get the name of the doc.

What happened was that his friend's father was also in a coma but after admitting into Mt. E, he woke up a few days later. He wanted that for my mum and to discharge her to Mt. E for treatment. That caused an uproar from my aunt - she said that what if the doctor said that same thing as the doctors here, then it'll be a burden because the medical fees there are higher and my mum's going to be in here for long term. He was being totally stubborn again and said that insurance was going to cover it (like the insurance is he buy for my mum leh, what crap).

So i gently reminded him that the insurance doesn't cover private hospitalisation. Instead of clarifying with me, he said, "what are you talking about? where got AIA insurance don't cover private? I want to see the policy!"

[FYI: insurance policies are confidential, and for that alone, i won't even let him near the file]

i went abit further and told him that i'm very clear because i was the one who did the paperwork. He still scolded me behind my back when i went behind the curtains to check on my mum's feeding - to see how long more it'll take)

So later, my aunt was telling him that money was also an important consideration and my grandaunt agreed with me. He went on saying how he'll do anything for my mum (like my dad and i wouldn't) and even if he goes bankrupt, he'll want to "save" my mum.

ok. firstly, my mum is already saved already. secondly, he has a 5mth old daughter and a newly-wed wife (the daughter came first) who is 10 years younger than him and needs his support. Do you think he's being rational when he said that? i felt it was pesposterous and over-stepping boundaries. So i told him straight in the face that the fact that my mum is alive is already a miracle. He scolded me - and attacked me personally,

"i don't care what miracle. i just want her to be better and you as her daughter should do that for her also. you have to be optimistic and not like u all to just sit here doing nothing about your mum's condition.

i don't CARE whether you like me or don't like me, all i want is for my sister to get well."

at first when i heard that, wondered if my aunts told him what i told them and for a moment, i felt betrayed. But later, when i met my other aunt, she told me that she didn't tell him anything that i've said and she's also very upset that he said that.

my aunt who was there was also very hurt at his above comment told him off, "we're also seeking other doctors to see my mum and samantha (my other aunt) is asking her sister in-law who is a doctor to see if there is anyone else. You don't know anything how can you say such a thing?!"

-.-"

i just lost that 1% f respect for him.

my aunt also nicely told him not to say such things and that even if we had money, brain cells don't regrow and it's difficult to let my mum get better.

after that, the nurses were taking blood pressure readings and so there was a machine with a cuff attached. my aunt and grandaunt was flanking both my mum. When my uncle got up, i immediately stepped forward and blocked his way. i don't want such a man to be near my mum - god knows he'll poison the air lah!

ok, but back to being rational, he pulled the machine aside to get better access to my mum (because i was blocking him). My mum's arm was like caught in an awkward position because of what he did and i just shouted at him ,"don't pulling that thing la, you're hurting MY mummy!" and my aunt was calming me down and said quite loudly (to him as well) ,"aiyah, he don't know anything la, don't blame him" and my grandma was saying in hokkien, "people do things why you go and disturb! stand aside first la!"

whoosh! finally i get the boiling fury out of my chest. it's not about fighting or quarreling - it's about being reasonable and showing him HOW much i actually know about my mum. rather, to show him how much he doesn't know, because i don't actually want to prove my "care and concern" to anyone.

he's just an irritant who needs to be eliminated. and knw what? such an important decision, he never once told my dad about it - he never once dared approach my dad. when i told everyone that my dad was coming, he immediately left. see? coward.

i told my grandma this －他不懂又不问，问了，讲了又不接受。他要我这么样？

(translation: he don't ask when he's in doubt. After explaining, he don't accept. What does he want me to do then?)

when it comes to brain damage, i think my mum is in a better condition than him.

22:02