CLAUD

Monday, December 22, 2008

Adding oil to fire

Wah...stress stress

Today my aunt was here (my mum's youngest sister) and she told my mum, "don't worry, your daughter will be studying here until you're well ok?" I gave her the -what-did-you-just-say-look and quickly murmured, "i will still want to go overseas, by then you must send me off ok?"

GOSH....then later my aunt and us went down to have dinner at the food court...she asked me whether i still want to go despite my mum's condition...i said yes, and if my mum's well-taken care of, if she is in good hands and if i have the money, i will go. I don't know about you, but i think i make logical sense...

my aunt disagrees...she said that i should be here (although i protested saying that there's nothing much i can do physically anyway) and even if i can't do anything, being here is already...and she left it there.

see what i mean?

we batted a few words to and fro and for the whole time, i was trying my best to not pick a fight. So i shut my mouth and ate my hor fun.

it's just so annoying that my aunt's saying this too. i highly suspect that my uncle has been telling her about stuff and from his point of view - trust me - it's screwed. wah...it's already been a trying journey and they still expect me to think about this?

I just told my aunt that i've been doing a lot of thinking and sadly at this point, i can't come to a conclusion and left it at that.

It's just appalling to be interrogated of your well-meaning intentions. I understand where they are coming from, but it's not a matter of i need to go. We haven't even reached the stage for that question. The question they should be asking is, "will your mum be ok tomorrow."

The doctors said that my half of my mum's brain is damaged and she will not wake up. Furthermore, because of that, she'll have a high risk of a heart attack which can be assumed to be fatal....i mean seriously, with all these issues, do you think going overseas is really on my mind right now?

ok, frankly put, it's on my mind ok? But i'm seeing it as a passport for my dad to have a comfortable life. What's freakin wrong with that? Now i can never give my mum back what she did for me.....i can only look after my dad now - just like what my mum asked me to do.

Haiz...they mean well, they mean well...i keep telling myself that. Sometimes, somethings have got to limit. This is family business....i can't tell my aunt that i may have enough money to go, and i can't tell her that because it's insurance confidentiality. i dunno if you see that i'm trapped in 2 places...

so now there's like a misunderstanding - well done claud...well done

23:41