there was an episode i saw in House - he was convinced, in this episode, that people will not change and although they wish they could, ultimately old habits stay the same.

i think right now, i'm feeling abit of that. old habits really cannot be changed. then i look back and saw how far i've come, and also what little difference i've made, makes me feel slightly handicapped.

how many times we say we want to change? to get rid of our little bad habits from washing the cups ourselves to stop cheating on our loved ones.

amidst all the flurry of "wanting to be a better man", we end up becoming everybody else and forget to just appreciate the person we are. i had a thought once, "should i change to be less domineering so that someone would love me? should i be less independent so that i can be 'taken care of'?"

all these questions passed my mind yesterday and it made me sad in 2 ways. One is that how can i look down myself, the other is that if i do look down, will i want my answers answered that way?

yes, it was a momentary lapse of self-confidence.

then again, i should probably blame disney for all their "happy ever after"s which made me want a piece of my own fairy tale too.

i need a renaissance - to sit back and just appreciate myself a little more. People often say to love others you have to love yourself first. I never got that idea. Why must you love yourself so that others can love you? Why can you just love yourself and love others at the same time too?

LOVE....maybe it is an overrated word and expression.