discharged from ICU

yeah...i guess some people already know, i'm not going to imperial already. it sucks and i don't really want to talk about it. but in good nature, i'll still answer some of your buring questions.

"why?what happened?"

simply put, my family gathered that we do not have enough funds to send me overseas. i guess to some people that's already quite obvious. i don't live on private property and i don't carry branded bags. but hey, you can't blame a girl for trying right? giving up is not in my dictionary...

it's not easy to give up this dream....it's worse that falling out of love. I guess it means to give up the only thing you ever wanted in your life. for those who have dreams and are living them, it's quite an unimaginable sight.

some things you can only understand when you've gone through them. otherwise, any other words that come out seems superficial, seems like consolation.

it's not easy to be happy again and i won't pretend that i'm okay. I'm not all right and i'm not okay. i'm disappointed and saddened at the fact that our world is governed by who holds the cash. I guess it's time I sober up and take another say, realistic look on life. Money Is Everything.

So right now it's back to NUS...FASS and another year. I still have hopes and some part of me feels that this isn't my life. I'm just an observer in my life. For so long I want to participate and live this skin i'm in...shall we call this a body-misalignment?

The world continues to turn, the minute hand continues to march forward, everyone's lives move on.

It's about time i move on as well, it's about time i start to consider my options. where i'm heading, what i'm going to do.

I wasn't like this 4 days ago, I didn't want to talk to anybody 4 days ago. Right now, I'm open to say, and somewhat with a little pride, "Yes, I didn't go but I've tried. My hard work is for me to keep and I'm not giving up."

I suddenly know what I want for my birthday - I want courage and happiness.

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When people ask me philosophical questions about life, I sometimes do not answer simply because I feel I am not in the best position to give a reply. Then I ask in my heart, why did you ask me?

I seriously do not know how to show others that I am happy. Evidently, you can tell that I am having a good time. But I do not know how to show others that I am happy. Maybe because I have never been happy...the only time I came close to that is to make birthday presents for those I care about. That makes me happy.

So don't ask me what happiness is...I can quote what happiness is but I can never tell you my definition of it. The reasons are simple really, I never had a chance to know what being happy is.