hahahaha....i didn't really blog abt the chalet because i knew i wouldn't do it justice. =)

in any case, loving/liking someone really can blind your eyes. and i'm somewhat angry at myself for not learning from my past mistakes. *slaps own forehead*

you are so out of my life right now. get out, i never want to see you again.i regretted ever to have put myself through that shit. crying out in the dead of the night for nothing.

*draws in a deep breath*

okay moving on...people always say that pain is what makes us stronger inside. truth to speak, i never really believed it. why shouldn't you be angry? why shouldn't you be frustrated when something like that happens to you?

why must you deny from feeling what is inside you? strange, but i'm grateful when chris told me that he'll slap me. and he'll slap me to my senses if i don't wake up soon.

thankfully it never did came to that.

don't deny the pain which you deserve. don't deny your feelings and your anger, your frustration about things. you only hurt as much as you care. So the more you cared, the more you'll hurt. don't see pain as a bad thing, as a taboo that you must be strong for the whole world to see. if you're not okay, we know that you're not okay. don't try and be otherwise - it'll make the rest of us feel like crap for nothing doing enough for you. give yourself that little liberty to lean onto someone who will be there for you. tell them that it's not damn okay and every moment feels as uncomfortable as sitting on a toilet bowl with seats filled with nails.

i guess that is what friends meant by "i'll be here for you". i think what they would have said in the context would be, "it's okay to be weak now, it's okay to cry on my shoulder. it's okay to depend on me while you get through this."

everyone can make that decision to stop being unhappy. but it is those that take it as a form of personal vendetta to be well again that pull themselves out of the ditch.

Pain helps our body recognise what is wrong with us. Why should it be any different when it comes to our minds?

Comme il faut - As it should be.
(koh meel foh)

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i'm immensely grateful that during the times when i hurt the most, i also experienced the greatest sense of closeness amongst my friends.

I did not realise it before, and it may be a little late, but nevetheless thank you for always being there when i needed you. I hope, through this, I can be here for you in return.

and screw ******....

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added later that day:

what did i expect as a reply? Take care...we'll miss you? ouch..