~.~

that is how i feel right now. argh.

what am i looking for?

that time i was at office and really bored, so i took a ticklet test - that say that my greatest fear is not belonging. which is so true.

i don't feel belonged to this world. like somehow detached and out of reach.

somehow i feel that people don't like me.

that i'm just one person loving myself.

and that reason makes me hate myself.

you are going to die when you go out to work in the future. your carelessness will kill you

why do those words trouble me? is it because they are true? or is it because they are so ridiculous? or simply because i'm bothered by what people think of me.

is saying: i'm careful when it comes to marking and teaching, but careless when it comes to admin work sound like an excuse for my behaviour.

confused.

tired of worrying too much of the future.

i know myself better.

my aunt said that something along those lines - but her words were that she was worried that i'll be bullied at the workplace because i'm too honest. that felt uncomfortable, but at least i know that was true. this - those words above, are simply accusatory.

everyone has weaknesses. sad to say that you have them too. so before you go out and judge other people, please keep in mind that no one person has the right to say that you are not good enough.

i will never tell my students that you are not good enough.

and no. being realistic ie. i know i put in a B effort in chem but i was hoping for an A is different from telling others that you are not good enough.

forget it. i'm sick of letting people hound me like that.

if no more miss nice lady.