left behind in a myriad of ways

in many ways, i'm feeling kinda lonely these days and i used to sympathise with my colleagues at home because it felt like they never knew the small things. small things like waiting for each other to eat during lunch, waiting for each other to get ready and to go back home together afte a long day's work.

all these make me feel that the workplace can be really cold at times...but these few days it kinda grew even colder.

I think getting the results kinda pulled everybody apart. it's inevitable and like i've told the rest, some will feel very happy, some will feel very sad. the frequency is not the same anymore.

not that we aren't still friends, it's more of this volatile period that is affecting me especially.

it feels like i'm the only one happy. and outside school with others, i feel like i'm the only one slightly sadder than them.

it's like an in-between situation. you didn't do very well to be standing on top of the world, and you didnt' od very bad to actually utilise your back up plan Z.

i know i should be there for those who didn't get their expected results, and i should be happy for those who did. in the meantime when everybody is high on their own concerns, it seems that ultimately, the only person you have to take care of, is yourself.

i don't want to be self-centered and let everyone shower me with care and concern. more of what i'm asking, is a sense of awareness that besides your solar system of happiness, there are other solar systems that exist too.

sometimes, i'm caught between asking and not asking for my friend's results. not that i don't care - more of like i don't want to intrude. and then there;s the issue if your friend scored badly, who do you say? do you assume that she is sad?

when you score better than your friends, do you have a feeling that you're leaving them behind? it seems that way...it seems that i'm leaving everyone behind to pursue what i want so much. then yet again, i'm torn also.

somehow, i hope you can also see that i'm not having a ball of a time. it's true that this A'level crap will mean nothing 4-5months down the road. i can't help but feel that 12 years of my life, is leading up to such a meaningless ending.

for those who are lost: direction is not a set of regiment set up the MOE, rather, it is something in which you make for yourself. Life is a series of little steps that make up a big picture. Your true destination lies in finding what you really like to do, and enjoying what you to do. Everyone can tell you that their university is better, but ultimately, it is what suits you that matters. In any way, I wish you all the best in finding your road onto life.

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i don't mind being in a difficult relationship, but i mind being in a dishonest one. Trust and honesty grounds my friendship.