just shoot me. is expected that i have to juggle writing like 6 essays and do my work at the same time and still come up to the surface with no mistakes?

of course not, i'm bloody human too. and dammit.

WARNING: RANTS AHEAD.(disclaimer - it is not directed at any one....)

these days, i feel really really down. i know i'm a very careless person and there's a limit to my multi-tasking. shangyi's right, i should just take the whole bloody week off and concentrate on my scholarship applications. why do i torment myself so?

please do not be mistaken. i very much want to help you to vet your essay, actually, i feel bad that i am not able to get back to you immediately.

it's my fault. yeah i get that. i know that and now, i actually feel that darren (lee) is a really nice person. it's not fair for you to keep bringing up my mistakes. fine, i try to be as efficient as i can, but maybe i need more work on being effective. so perhaps i should tell you that besides this job, i also have a bloody life.

at least i go out being more careful in my work. this is the price i have to pay for my "tuition" classes in being careful. trust me, it's a high price to pay.

i really envy those people who are so careful. seriously, this part, i'm all saggitarius and less virgo. such admin details i cannot take care of. which is probably why i told jasmine that i'll never step into the business world again. i'm just not cut out for office work. my personality doesn't fit at all....where's that obsidian that i've left lying around?

get my point?

hurr......*BANGS FISTS ON KEYBOARD*

then yet again, this was my choice. i have to grin and bear it. one good side of it is that i have friends around the office who guided me through. without them, i don't know how i'll manage at all. and yeah, i really appreciate all the rubbish scoldings being thrown at me. I'm organised and careful. i always give you your orders within the hour. sometimes, good things are not enough. it's better to be perfect. no mistakes. no errors. yeah, you want that? then don't complain that i'm too slow.

NUGGET....4 weeks and counting

-end of rant-

i'm come to terms with my numerous mistakes. seriously, my mind is elsewhere right now. i don't have keep reprimanding myself "why i so dumb? why didn't i check this portion? why didn't i do a better work?". worse still, they think that i'm not serious about this job. thank god i made that point clear.

okay, from now on.

no. more. mistakes.

unforgivable if i made any more mistakes.

______________________________________________________

dear prince charming,

at times like this, i wish you were here to comfort me know? i could almost hear your voice telling me, "it's okay, everyone has their weaknesses. you have yours. you're lucky to be able to work on them through your present work. some people go on life not knowing."

then i remember that it's my own voice speaking and that you're really not here at all. somehow, with all the scholarship applications and university closing dates. i hope to death that you wouldn't appear. yes, you heard me right, wouldn't. because at this point of time, your grand appearance will just turn my world upside down.

at least that's my assumption because maybe you'll be the world to make everything right again.

nevetheless, i still miss you lots. and i wish sometime in the near future, i might meet you. hahaha...i have this romantic notion that we'll stop by an outdoor cafe on a raining day in Edinburgh overlooking the Scottish hills and talk forever. I'll be wearing my brown suede coat and leaning on your arm. Do you know you look great in black? hahaha....that's just a wild guess on my part. who knows you might turn out to be dashing in white...

from the length of my life-line, i don't have much time. hahaha....buy me a coffee soon ya?

(p.s. i prefer mocha to latte *smiles*)

yours somewhere in Scotland,

____________________________________________