I couldn't be less bothered

xinyi said she was surprised that i was not shocked at this whole thing. hahahaha...and i told her that actually i already saw it coming.

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practised my piano today and realised that the keys are not balanced - time for another tuning session.

i can't believe time flies so fast! it's like it's almost 3 months since i was last unemployed. hahaha....keeping myself busy helps time to pass faster though.

that time in feb, i remembered receiving a totally random sms from nat...if i didn't remember wrongly, she sent us our virgo horoscope analysis that says something like this (from my foggy memory): "virogs, your on-and-off guy is off again for good. but don't worry! you'll meet someone who is much more worth it. he'll appear on the 28 of mar and sweep you off your feet!"

to say the truth, i was kinda excited yet, skeptical about this whole thing. because we all know that horoscopes analysis are really indefinite. but i WAS HOPING that it will come true.

and it did.

and he did make me laugh the whole time...hahahahaha, just short of sweeping me off my feet (maybe in this world there is only one person who can do that)

so finally, the lucky stars are finally shinning upon me again....

at least xinyi also had a brand new start.

feels good doesn't it? to start anew and feel fresh.

finally letting go of the staleness that is behind. the emotional baggages.

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everyday becomes easier for me.

it becomes easier for me to detach. it's like you're dying in a hospital and you know you have to leave soon. the feeling of knowing you're leaving people you love behind. the feeling of knowing what happened in the past, will never happen again in the future.

yet, i feel calm and at peace. The turmoil that happened in the last months had finally come to a sort of closure. I guess life is pretty much like that. It was closure that i sought - not answers, not apologies.

because i have already found my answers, and i don't need apologies from my friends and family.

in a way, this matter was resolved LONG ago...in my heart. the accounting and credit was already done in my heartware store months before prelims. i simply made myself to face this dilemma so that i wouldn't be affected for A's. My results were too important to me. you can say that i've sacrificed my "personal well-being" for my results. However, ironically, i felt better because of this sacrifice - another paradox of life.

somtimes, we don't know what is good for us when we take the easy way out. who do things the difficult way? why bother to put yourself through all these hurt when you can simply walk away and be. happy?

yes...i want to be happy. but i also want to be at peace. i'm a buddhist - i believe inner peace is more important. peace brings happiness - the kind that lasts forever.

in this i am even more grateful for the friends i have around me.

although i say that family, husband and children are forever "period" - i also value my friends around me. everyone puts a different value in things that feel most close about. look at everyone's blog, you'll realise that their best friends/goodest friends are always placed first. in speech, i notice ppl's face changes when you talk about close friends.

indeed, what good are ideas and predictions if we do not act upon them? the peace i have right now is because i've accepted and moved on.

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don't worry about me - i don't have to understand because somehow i already know what you are going to say.

- if people cannot give closure, you only have to look within yourself -

No one can escape death and unhappiness. If people expect only happiness in life, they will be disappointed. - Buddha

in many ways, i should stop thinking and empty my mind of senseless thoughts. i said that being happy is important. in a way i never really convinced myself to accept the idea of happiness. that is because i was already taught another idea - inner peace.

We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.