Symptoms and Dis-ease

I've been away for quite some time...but hey, i'm back!

anyway, last week has been pretty emotional for me. maybe it's like finally when you realise that the people you see normally, don't get to be seen these days, there's a feeling of like "abandonment". yet deep inside you know they are still there for you....hey i think it's just a matter of insecurity bah

hahahaha....nic says i've changed to be more emo these days. i guess staying at home is so not my thing. really....i don't like to have to eat instant noodles everyday. it's sickening...now when i walk past the section, it's tempting to just turn away.

however, at home i have loads to do...hahaha...preparing for a surprise already takes up alot of my time....not to mention patience.

(p.s. shangyi...your paints rock man!and your jelly paints are really good - despite what you teacher says, the consistency just nice for me.hahahaha=D)

oh well...i've spent some hermit time at esplanade trying to sort out my thinking and all the crazy mess that have been going on.

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people, not actually it's just darren chris and nic, keep telling me to "not think so much." i understand their concerns and where they are coming from. however, it's not a matter of not thinking, rather it's a matter of being at peace with yourself.

it's like treating the symptom but not the sickness. you can cure the fever but not the dengue. the reason why i continue to think, is because i know that by "not thinking" i'm only solving the problem superficially. there has to be an underlying cause for me to be dis-eased.

which is why, sometimes it's troubling to see that most people only want to face up to the symptoms, but not the dis-ease itself. i mean, it's kinda hard to sleep at night when there's so much troubling you isn't it? all i look forward to every night is a dreamless, peaceful and deep sleep...hahahaha, like i told nat, it seems that comes in cycles.sleep-deep sleep-restless sleep-dream sleep-exhaustion-sleep etc...

anyway...everyone of us have the answer within us, it's only a matter of asking the right questions.

so, in times of confusion, frustration, commotion or simply irrationalisation (is there such a word?)...don't just treat the symptoms of the problem, it's better to face the true problem from within.

afterall, you want to live a full life right? so how can you do that when you have so many things troubling you in your sleep?

oh yah....by the way - have some courage. the cowardy lion (in the wizard of oz) do have a point you know.

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i realised that time does not fade a friendship, if anything, it strengthens it more.

i felt really blessed last thurs...to be able to meet shangyi AND nat in the same day, to converse with dawny about the future and not the past. there's a kind of a realisation of time passing. like finally i can walk again and not be hindered anymore. it's childhood, teenhood and young-adulthood all in one day.

some things will never change....many things never will. the only one that has changed, is your heart.

afterall, if fate has already brought us together, then i'm sure fate and time will only bring us further.

I'll always be here for you guys/gals/confused. You have only to ask...

I love you all~

and keep in touch ^.^