what doesn't break you, only makes you stronger.......

thanks nat for staying up and talking to me...i slept abit better after that knowing life still goes on =)

yesterday was a day of intense happiness, and intense sadness....maybe i'm not the type to go through an emo-roller coaster. but i guess once in a while, life happens this way you know?

i had fun going out with 222, they distracted me from the matters at hand, but yet, everytime i laugh, it's like i feel like a hypocrite you know?like i shouldn't be doing this because it doens't feel right. yet...i don't want them to worry about me too....it's like torn between 2 sides...at times i walk faster or slower because i don't want them to see my face.don't want them to be affected also....afterall everyone was in high spirits and all

when i came back, i learnt another thing - something that would break my heart.

and

my mum's cousin passed away not ever experiencing his 25th birthday. although we are not entirely close, but still....every chinese new year we talk about stuff and he's a really nice guy. my grand-aunt must be really upset of this because it's her grand son....to 白发送黑发人, it's really depressing bah.

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i'm starting to hate my fridays.....i'm starting to think that maybe all this relationship stuff (friendship, kindship) isn't cut out for me you know? because we're stll learning and....and...oh well -

mrs susan tan said this before, and i will always remember this: the only thing i will ever need is courage to do what i think is right.

it is not that i don't believe you guys...it's not that i am in oblivion or tt i don't want to face up to reality. but i also have my own judgement and my own thinking, and although you are correct, i think perhaps there is also a possibility that i am correct as well.

i already know the answer....but this answer is no longer important to me. what is more important is that you leave knowing what it means to be able to open up and receive, open up and give as well as open up to connect to other people. and i believe i want to show you that.

even as good friends - i am willing to hurt you to make you see sense. you can hate me, be disappointed, drift apart etc...but this is what i think i must do.

moving on needs resolution....a door needs to be closed before a new one can open.

the doors of your heart must open - yes nat...i agree, i rather be betrayed and go through the hurt than close up forever.

i believe the past maketh a man....and everything you did last time, will come and haunt you in the future. once you commit an act, you must do it with the conciousness that whatever you do will come back to you.

you are my retribution.

you are sent by those whom i've hurt when i closed up into myself.

you are my retribution

you are sent by those who i've hurt for being selfish

you are my retribution

you are sent by those whom i have not said sorry to.