i think people of my species need to R.E.L.A.X.

really.

being a workaholic is not healthy.

hahahahaha....i realised i've gained some weight over the week. studying always makes me hungry (does that prove that i'm using brain-food?) and superstitious.

believe it or not, i'm kinda embarrassed that i'm superstitious. my ears extend towards words like fengshui, astrology etc...and can't help it when you have people like vonk and jon to share your interest.

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i'm going to go mad soon....when i do, just slap my face okay? you have full permission.

nicolette: i think i need you to remind me of my name, age and gender soon.

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it hurts, immeasurably, when you try to care and people don't give a damn about you.

it hurts, especially, when you know you won't do the same to him/her because you care too much.

it sucks, totally, when you think you can handle everything by yuorself but in fact you're just human and that your talents don't extend into the arena of emotion.

it sucks, strangely, when you feel that you don't have a right to be angry whatsoever.

what gives people certain rights to be roaring angry but deny others the rights to even fume?

- that'll be the stress-bug talking. i'm touchy these few days because of the lack of sleep, the wild and traumatic dreams i have every night and the dehydration from drinking too much caffeine.

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i'm immensely disappointed by life suddenly....after all that has happened. people just don't love people enough you know?

sometimes, we can be so selfish and stubborn and in times of these we find people who are also kind and caring.shit....maybe what constantine said was right, there's this bet going on between heaven and hell and the prize is our soul.

i'm sick of putting up and front and sick of being there for everyone. sometimes, i want to be selfish as well...my mum and dad always say i'm selfish at home because i only take care of myself. i on the music too loud, i hog the computer for too long (it's not that lor, my parents rarely use also mah >.<"), i expect this i expect that.

yeah...maybe i'm selfish and i don't really deserve anything afterall.

yet, i have everything to be grateful for. i was taught to be grateful for everything. grateful for the food on the table everyday, grateful for the clean clothes i wear everyday, grateful for the memories that people give me, grateful for the good company....for EVERYTHING.

do you know the price tag/value of everything you own in the house? if you don't, my late grandfather would say, "then you're not grateful enough."

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i believe human beings are inherently selfish, in some way, we have to be made selfless. like duty, responsibility and kindship that make us selfless....but left alone - we would almost always prefer to take the path of least resistance. everything in nature takes the path of least resistance, from water to lava, air to soil...everything.

totally disgusted with the world i'm living in....yet, totally grateful for everything that life has given me.

as yvonne has always repeatedly told me, "you're(i'm) a living contradiction."

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i'm counting down to the days where i can see you and hear you again.....it's impossible but i wish somehow a miracle would happen and my phone would ring