somebody save me already....i don't think i can continue like this, with all the tension (i can almost fault right now and form a rift valley - btw the crust underneath the red sea is only 8km)

see what i mean?

i'm going mad and i can see some changes.

firstly, my heart has started to beat really fast since august. that's the reason why i can't sleep properly everynight. the harder the matteress, the more disturbing the beating. and i'm hopelessly sick of it...feel like it's going to collapse soon.

the disturbing part is that my mum told me her colleague collapsed from stress. her heart just stopped beating.

imagine that.

just stopped beating from all those stress.

i've always told myself that this...this...this personal war is raged against this invisible figure that is impeding my, no, our freedom. you don't know how your enemy looks like, you don't know your enemies' weaknesses. but you know what your enemy will do to you if you fail...

that enemy is A'levels and it targets our weakenesses like giving up and procrastination....as unbelievable as it sounds, the only way to win it is to do exactly what it does not expect students to do - study wholeheartedly.

but then, we are human and to study wholeheartedly is not exactly our forte...which is why this is a war. because people have to be made to fight, they have to follow orders, where your weapon is a pen and your amunition is your knowledge. you have to rely on your instincts, strategise before you go into the battleground, utilise the limited time that you're allocated and pin your hopes on one battle every other day. once the battle is over, you won't know the damage until 6 months later where collaterals are your family members and friends that you've hurt due to your crankiness. that my friends, is what goes on during the novembers periods.

if PSLE is a pillow fight, then A'levels must be WWIII....suddenly the O's seem like a petty squabble between countries....the degree, well...that's revelations and the PHD is some sort of a Big Bang...

rethorically asking- why would anyone want to do that to themselves

___________________________________________

Since there exist a hierachy of the intelligence of organisms, then imagine when there a hierachy of stupidity.Logically speaking, if life is full of paradoxes, then it wouldn't be ironic that humans will be at the top of the stupidity hierachy as well would it?

because the having the capacity to perform tasks of recognizable intelligence, one should possess enough stupidity to know the difference. In other words, we must know what is stupid to be intelligent and since we have the most intelligence, we are also the most stupid and the most capable of execvting stupid acts.

Evidences proving man's intelligence is fascinating and flamboyant, yet there seems to be no studies proving the stupidity of man as well.

because i'm sure if one scientist were to prove and collect evidence showing man's stupidity, i'm sure it'll take no effort at all.

even ants won't do things that will hurt itself or it's colony but why do humans do things that will hurt themselves and others?

piercing ears, putting themselves in extreme pressure, risking their lives in dirt bike racing, inventing efficient weapons of destruction etc....sorry, uniqueness is not necessarily desirable.

- top of the hierachy? i think perhaps if there is an ape professor somewhere preaching about humans, they would beg to differ -

ain't life interesting?

___________________________________________

i thank the new iniatives by the govt. it's just that my contemporaries don't get to enjoy the new policies........

as tired as we all are....the only way out is to fight on. if any of us give up now...it's not going to be worth it - i don't want to take A's all over again.

______________________________________

i have learnt, numerous times, that we cannot live for people. we have to make decisions for ourselves and not depend on what others want for you. because ultimately when things screw up(bad), all they can do is point the finger at others - at you - at most, and sympathize with you at least. but the one taking the brunt is you and the sarcificial lamb is your life.

no matter what happens, i'm going to do what i think is right. right now, it's right to get out of here and do something more meaningful.

______________________________________

you know what is my greatest regret?

i regret not fighting for a place to study physics, chem and math....because those are the subjects that i have always loved since young.

and the damn system told me that i'm not good enough for them.

well....screw the system

life is short, if i can't do it here. then i can always "take my business somewhere else."