yeah....here i am, blogging again - i can't sleep, i can't eat properly until i get this down in words.

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i've been troubled lately, by the need to say something to some people, i dont' have the courage to do it face-to-face because people won't know how to react anyway, but still, i feel i have a duty to say it...to at least appease my insecurities

this is all of my own thinking but i guess, perhaps is it just me that is the only one looking forward to fridays?

is going out dinners with me a bothersome thing?because if i were the person, maybe i'd feel that way - yet again, i wish that someone will ask me every week...so it becomes like a routine thing. it's not easy to maintain a routine and get people to go. perhaps it's not that difficult and i'm the only one feeling this way.

yet coming to think back again, i remember how you all tell me that you enjoy those dinners out every friday...=)those words - i really appreciate them A LOT....haiz, maybe it's me. it's difficult to believe that anyone wants to spend time with me. and it's even more difficult to believe that we actually are somewhat like a clique.

i never had a true clique-even to this day simply because i don't believe that people can be together all the time. but recently, i start to believe that perhaps people really can be with each other and not be tired.

i'm glad that xinyi,van,kris,jl,jh,xj and nat are like the joy to the otherwise mundane class....everytime i see them laugh - kinda admire how nice if i could join in too.

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i'm tired of drifting and somehow, a selfish part of me want to belong to some group too you know? because for those people out there who belongs to someone or a clique, you never realise how precious their company really is until you lose them....it's like your family. you take them for granted that they'll always be there for you. but if something happens and they're not there for you anymore, you'll feel disconnected and lost. this is the feeling i get. there was never once i truly belong anywhere until i met the 4 of them and realised that i can talk freely and finally, they understand and connect how i feel inside.

there's this saying that 感情是不能逞强的, and kris said, "you either clique or you don't, no point forcing something that doesn't work."

finally i sort of get it....that suffocating feeling i've always felt just surfaced only when there's adjustments. it's like you only feel the pain when you're pricked - you only know something is inadequate when you've tasted what could have been. nat you're right...."happiness is most important."and perhaps all the friends in 222 have taught me what it's like to not be weighed down by life and they have let me understand the meaning of togetherness.

i'm going to find my happiness from now on - when 18 begins. there's always a time and place for everything...and although i'm not saying that my present friends are not important, but i believe every friend and every person in your life is meant to let you learn something. life is a learning process...and we can only learn more if we move on.

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chris,darren,nico and jon.....i'll always cherish you guys(and gal~!)forever, thanks for making me feel belonged and needed at last.

thanks vonk...for always letting me know how much it means to have another home and family.