just a little something

all i ever want was to just settle down and start doing what i want to do....did i mention that study was not in the to-do-list?

yes, i love studying.......no matter how much excuses i give, maybe i'm just not good at it....not good enough i mean, for me.

i really love alot of aspects about school, like planning and drafting the script for to infinity and beyond and all the mad coordination works that goes behind, it's really an unforgettable-a pleasant one.

but i don't seem to have the kick in studying anymore. like after all the rejections from school....it's like nothing seems to be working your way and sometimes you're asking yourself if this is a sign to tell you that you should be in your place. you're no where as smart as you think and there's really a big world out there. you're just a shrimp in the big ocean and people can get 2 scholarships at once and be happy to study at some prestigious university but the chance will never get to you.

how can i focus like that?when you feel so suffocated in this system, after you've witnessed all the flaws and nooks, there's really nothing left for me to make me what to stay. there's no place i'd rather be?

there's no place i'd rather escape from.

there's like so must negativity in me that i know i must get out. get out and move on and go see places before it's too late. just the other day i was looking at this twin hour glass and it kinda made me wonder how much time do i have left?5 days, 5 weeks, 5 years? 50 years?

maybe i've been refusing to realise my fate and perhaps i'm made to stay in singapore and study the subject that no body ever cares about and maybe it's my refusal that's making things so difficult.

my friends will never understand how i feel, unless they go through the same sentiments as me -

all these while i'm already trying....maybe it would've helped "to try again." now, i've yet to muster the courage to take a step again....look at my grades, they're falling.....to you ya, maybe it's not, but i know my progress and i know how i feel when i look at those books....

nothing digusts me more than broken promises....and i cannot live with myself if i've broken my promise to so many people - that i'll show the world that a measely student in yjc can always achieve their dreams...i don't want to be an idiot and end up at the end of the stick....

my personal dream is to inspire others...there i've said it, that is why i've been working so hard all along.....

if you help others all the time, who can help you?who would want to expect that you need help too?

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i want to see something that gives me hope to take a step and try again.....you have dreams, so i have them too...but can anyone see that the difference in them is that whether anyone of us realises their dreams or not.