a brighter today

after ranting yesterday, i feel much better today....really, thanks nat and xinyi! *muaks* love ya girls

in my head, i'm running my math results over and over again....relief?alittle. disappointment?quite a lot...but nevertheless, at least i know this is the end of my roadtrip of un-focusness...i'm getting ready to gear myself to study better now.....at least it's like 2 more bloody months and it'll be over...it'll be 2 more months to freedom

that day i was just watching chrno crusade and it was like saying about freedom from rules is through sin and bloodshed. but really, when you think about it, how often are we caught in a cage with no where to go but forward. lolz.....i remember dunno which inventor said that it's a good thing to fail, besides the only way through failure is success....=Dat least i have a goal now.

failure failure failure.....when you fail, it doesn't make you a loser...but rather if you fail and give up it makes to a total loser.

so many people i talked to have an idea of giving up already...they live in denial and pretend that all the negative things will go away.i'm sorry~it doesn't, not unless you solve it and move on

ms luo said that 人生无常....how true, there's nothing in life that remains unchanged.

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after all the positivity in life that i've enjoyed, it's about time that i tasted some bitter sides of life. perhaps this period of melancholy is to remind me how far i've come and how near my dreams awaits me. may it be that it's unfair and may it be that life is not that forgiving. however,i'm proud to say that i'm thankful to the very least, that there is this opportunity to reflect and save myself from becoming a negative person with a positive outlook. it'll be hell to be caught in the cycle of self-denial and self-deprivation

to claudia:

life does not go your way and it never will. you'll have to learn to live with the circumstances and know how to grab the opporunity that awaits you to change them. you already know what you want, the next step is to perserve through to achieve it. there is no way somebody can achieve it for you. the only only stopping yourself is you. because remember?you wrote a letter from cambodia that after seeing those kids with so much hope for their future, you decided to live for them, to live a meaningful life also. there are so much things to live for, this is only but a step towards a better future. there's nothing to lose if you go forward but if you remain caught in the cycle again, you'll regret and never move forward.

rejections and unfairness are only but a small portion of life to remind you of your place, but it should not keep you from achievning what you think is right. it's a good thing that this is only prelims. it is only a stepping stone, no doubt a stone, but it's an important one. it reminds you how much you still do not understand and it reminds you how much you still have to work. there's no such thing as face when it comes to asking yuor tutors...and there's no such thing as rejection in academia if you are persistent.

they are all here for you....and they are all here to remind you that this world holds so much more than what you think....look forward and work towards to future and let the past remain as past. it may hurt when you receive your prelim results, but you can always change them and deviate from the horrible results you've gotten. remember about yuor econs essays?go do the outlines, you'll realise that you do know how to structure the essays but the little things came in the way and they hindered your eyes.

do not worry if you get into the UoM or be afraid that you'll be stuck here again. do not worry that you cannot hold your promises out and do not care if you have enough money to study overseas....everything happens for a reason, and like what nat said, sometimes better things are just waiting to come...

don't anticipate, and don't think that you can do everything and that you're better....because pride makes the downfall of man. you have a goal now, which is to complete this journey and make it fulfilling, like how you promised yourself that you'll change yjwinds....your promise now is you complete this journey and make it a memorable one. your promise is to just complete your a'levels.....this is your only goal...your only promise. after looking out for others for so long, it's abou time you take care of yourself. only when you're happy, then can people around you be happy....

-from claudia...

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stupid virgo...can't you stop serving people and think about yuorself for once?damn....

okay, so this post marks the end of despair and disappointment....i shall not talk about it anymore and by tml i'll get over the feeling and face my chem paper with gusto. true, although this prelims is over...but a sunset marks a new sunrise...

i've been in the sunrise for too long now, its time that it sets for good.

2 months more.....a new climax will show and this time, i'll face the paper with a clearer mind, stronger spirit and a more mature soul.