okay....i don't want to sound horrible like i already do.

but these days, i've been not myself. duh, i mean yah....

anyway, there are a whole lot of things i did today that wasn't what it's supposed to mean

here goes: that time jialiang was saying something about driving license stuff, and i had no idea why i mentioned that i wanted to pass that one only once...sounded damn boastful can?

: and then nat lots of stuff that were really funny but not only that i didn't laugh, i gave a look that implied that it wasn't funny but rather lame...to the contrary, my head didn't register that frequency(not that it wasn't too low) but rather the receptor seems to be spoilt.

: then i had no idea why i told darren that my mum was going to ptd day to erm....match-make (where did THAT come from)

:lastly, i had no idea why the heck did i tell mr lim to move up the paper when he obviously havent finished writing, and then when he said "wait lah!" and replied "fine lor....".hello? he's my ( ) teacher and i would do nothing on purpose to want to make him feel bad....haiz...oh yah...today he said lame as "lah-meh"...lolz...and pulled the projector screen down accidentally because he thought by pulling that down he could read what was on top...lolz....that earned bellows of laughter from 222..."how dumb was that for a really smart person"

: and then yestd i cried at mr see's lesson but it really wasn't his fault...it's the stress-monster...haiz...sorry ah mr see....it's just a matter of bad timing of my part.

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sometimes when you are having the "out of the body" experience, suddenly you mind, your speech and everything don't belong to you. things get slipped out before going through the big brain and things are said. haiz....like already, i should just shut up for these 2 weeks or something.

strangely, the more problems you have - the feeling of wanting to be left alone grows ever stronger....but ironically, the problems are magnified. instead being with friends actually make that problem seem so much more managable. it's the theory of people- feel- more -brave- when -their- friends -are -with- them, they have more courage with the support of friends.

really hope this will be over soon...everything, the A's, the stress....the "blah"ness and also as nat mentioned. the feeling of being obliged to do something else when there's another thing you know you have to do most. really really really detest that kinda feeling 那种被牵挂的感觉

anyway....sleeping fitfully for 3 hours have helped alleviate the tension for a bit....and great friends like 222-ians and band have made yjc seem so much more inviting and life in school easier to manage.

of course, i'm everyday greatful that i have wonderful teachers who are more than willing to help me and teachers who care about you enough to say the truth.

madness-it's only going to last for 3 more months...after that we'll regain our sanity.