miss lim is right, i shouldn't sleep 8hrs everyday....and that's coming from the fittest pe teacher i know around....get my drift?

but anyhow, i find myself sleeping later and later everyday....from 9:30pm, to 10pm to 10:30pm and right now, 11pm....

okay, so i'm asking for it...but that's not my point here.there's something going on wrong...haiz, have to sleep early...

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anway, today was the most relaxing day ever. besides having to study econs and do the mindmap for mr syn and everythin....but it was relatively stress-less....except when ritty had to remind me about the stupid prank he played on me that nearly scared kris and me shitless during band (pardon my language)

upon recieving his results, he looked really awful and smsed me during band that he wants to quit yj and go to an international school....after 5 smses, i thought i could convince him, and thenlater that night he said that it's a joke....RITTY TIWAWA! IT'S NOT FUNNY....

okay,besides that point....

that saturday, i was with my mum in popular bookshoop and we went past this chinese book called "buddha is not buddha, you are not yourself"(that's a direct translation)....the book says that before the age of 40, everything that you believed and everything that you look forward for is a form of delusion. the god you pray will not be the true face of what should be believed. and he makes it sound that the "god" we believe, is a metaphor or personification of the blind faith we have for ourselves.

like it kinda hit me hard because firstly, my dad, who's over fourty, still prays in the temple to strike 4-D and toto, while my mum and grandma pray for safety for relatives and those studying abroad....it just makes my dad look really selfish you know? like all he cares is money and he's praying for it.

i don't believe in luck draws and totos...because ultimately, the money earned comes from the contribution of so many people...your income belongs to the economy, not from some betting shop...

then it brings me back to reality that what if after reading that book, i don't know what i want anymore. if the path that the author claims, through buddhsim, the freeing of one's mind from desires and hardship, is the path of today.

look around you - how many people are walking up and down shenton way, raffles place, city hall day and night to earn income for themselves so that they can enjoy the 6 -Cs.

whatever is it for?

so my question sort of echoes kris - why are we working ourselves so hard, to be part of a work force where monotony takes over. the robotic movement of day and night drives many working mums and dads crazy

maybe that's why people start families, although it may seem domesticated and dull, but there's this sense of normalcy and anchor in our crazy lives.

indeed, the embrace of a family member is like the return of a warm spring.

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how many times we have tell ourselves to NOT be like our parents, but in the end, we land up exactly like them. can we resist the temptation and pragmatism of money? if we can, i believe we can all be buddhas and the world would be so much better.

with money, comes power, and with it - comes responsibility.

it's just those little things that we do with money that makes a big cumulative difference in the end. Man created a tail for himself to chase...and through his greed and pursuit of better things, we've landed ourselves in the definitive trail to self-destruction. i think, it's not a matter of if, but when it would happen.

perhaps when the end is near, we can truly appreciate what is really important in our lives. that to be on this planet to reproduce, happens to be the chicken and egg answer that the very fact we reproduce, shows how much reproduction can also affect so deeply us in the end.

families and the bond within blood - holds verdict to my claim wouldn't you agree?

the khmer rouge broke families from each other, that killed the will to live for fathers, mothers, children, lovers and relatives....this tragedy of such ill-thought schemes brings shame to all humanity and is a constant living reminder to us, that family is the most important unit - WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

we can find our own families and we can build our will around them - but will we ever find the same kind of solice once they are gone?

(btw: everytime i read nat's blog, it makes me hungry and everytime i see kris blog, it makes me hungry even more...thanks to the bananas and ice-cream)