memorabilia

kaoz....it seems i have a thing with memory...i can't remember things that happened yesterday...like seriously.....just remembered i have to blog about something great and i forgotten le.

anyway, today's math was mind-boggling as always and xinyi was so cute can? she flicked her pen and her pen cap flew a good 15 inches and landed on shu juan which scared her off her seat hahaha even soon long was alarmed. but it's pretty hilarious anyway.....then half-way through the exam, vann bubbled a laughter(i actually thought she lost it, you know)....while ritty "hmph" and "hurr" and "huff" and "cough" his way through the math paper. not forgetting how many times he actually almost tipped his table over - risking dropping everything including his precious answers. then after the exam, ritty asked nat why she write so much - then nat answered saying, "what? essay arh?" lolz.....totally~

having exams with 222 is the most enjoyable....before the exams we were all scrambing to solve questions that we didn't know and after exams we were still scrambing to solve questions in the paper that we don't know.....

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went back home and snoozed for a while before starting on geog....couldn't sleep and couldn't keep awake at the same time - made me hyper sensitive for a moment then when the song "i'll always be there for you" came, suddenly had this inkling to sms nat and shu juan....hahahaha

then poured my sorrows about geog on xinyi (thanks for "listening" as always!)

goodness - i've been very volatile lately...always keeping an eye or ear for body language and words that might cause ppl not to like me or something. guess it's paranoia yeah? (please say yes....)also....i think it's the stress - been getting angry over nothing also

like how i'm angry at the amount of topics not yet covered. and for an instant perhaps i'm not angry at that...it's what it denotes

i think it's unhealthy to keep things...so perhaps i'm very kan-chiong. but since last fri, you promised to lend kris the geog book and here i underestmated you.

seriously, in the presentation last time - i'm sorry for saying those things to you but now, i kinda understand why people come and go so often in your life.

to hell if you're reading this - this exuhmation is for me (i'll be selfish for once)

- i've always wondered at those people whom you talk behind their backs -

- do you say those kind of stuff behind my back too? -

- how can i trust you when you betray the trust of others? -

things really do come full circle, i'm not saying you're a horrible person. but i guess things really crapped in sec sch to have made you like that - cynical, uncanny, careless.

it's not about the geog book or about the presentation - evverytime i've offered some sort of help, it's always been pushed away unceremoniously....yeah yeah, i've overly senstive (and you were the one who called me apathetic. even apathetist have some sort of a feeling....i've not reached to the stage of robotist yet)

i want to treasure that friendship that we have, but it seems that you don't really treasure my friendship or my attempts anymore. then fine - if this is what you want, you'll have it.

sourly, i wish you happiness in your life. for once, i want to tell you - if you find any -

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there's this feeling in my heart that is unsettling....maybe last last fri's still eating me inside out.

i want to clear my conscience for once - i'm very tired of being a middle-person in a group. can't we all sit down and discuss what we want?

it seems that i'm a lousy friend - not knowing what are the right words to say, the right things to do until other people have to tell me.

but hope everything is alright between us, as in really alright and not just pretense.

because it really affects me when you're unhappy, especially in cases like this.although all you ever want, is to know if yuo're important to me.you really are; and there are things which i don't always say to people because it sounds really hollow when it comes out.

how to put it?we all have different ways of managing our stress - any type - and for me, crying is the easiest. maybe all virgos find comfort in crying because i think xinyi also do the same when she's stressed. for others maybe keeping quiet, for some it may be speaking alittle too much.

don't put it to heart that you made me cry or something - at that time, i just wished that everything will work out and it affected me when things don't work out right (perfectionists....*roll eyes*)

took me that long ~haiz

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people-people relationships are bloody difficult....and i wanted to study pyschology when i was in sec 2 (who was i kidding)

but everything requires work.....and as long as we're willing to go for something we believe in, things will turn out right in the end.

i've learnt that we may not enjoy the ending that fate has given us, but ultimately, we'll learn to appreciate what fate has planned for us.....so the only barrier between being bitter and appreciating fate, is yourself.