don't know why these days i've been procrastinating on what i should do....and that planner i had in my bag seems to be more useless by the day....i made so much promises and lost track of them, sometimes i wonder why do i even make that promise in the first place - how many did i keep anyway?

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this week had been really terrible....firstly, i was down with the flu virus. the fever and everything made my mind really fuzzy-wuzzy today. like why do doctors only give a day m.c? like what guan yu said, i should've demanded more...hahaha...not that i'm whining but, it's seems so miserable to be sick and alone...

if i can't bear the loneliness, then what's going to happen when i grow old? who's going to take care of me when i'm sick and dying? - it seems that getting married is a good idea afterall-

but i'm not alone, at least not now.

really glad and appreciative of those people around me who showered me with so much "scoldings" and "get-well-soons" that it like a crime to be sick...hahahaha

wanna thank xinyi, kris, pop, NAT! for all the showers of blessings that conributed to my speedy recovery....and special thanks to ms lim who showed me so much concern over the past days...from my butt-cramp to the ocip crank-up. really grateful she could understand what's really going on in me. also thanks to ms luo for her kindness and liang-teh secrets >.<"

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this week has been pretty surreal. like i feel like crying all the time and i feel that moving out of my house asap....like GETTING OUT of the present life i'm in. but who am i to complain about the system? i'm much a coward not to venture out on my own...kris places this melancholy as some sort of fatique that you feel so "blah" that you everything seems pretty well, "blah" as well.

it's times like these when i really want to give up. can't even research properly and type a coherent essay by myself....i still require help - and some part of me just want to reach out to others for help. even so, i can't even ask the questions properly...because it's all so wired up there.

i know i have it up there, but it's just not coming out correctly.

this whole week, i've been troubled by the essay, the whole lot of it. like everytime i open a file to read something, i don't understand, and it just demoralises the hell out of anyone.

what makes it worse is that i don't even have the rope to grab on. i don't know what i'm looking for.

maybe i'm refusing to read the obvious, and too preoccupied with trying to impress.

afterall, my classmates look up to me - how can i disappoint?

it seems that everytime i try to impress, i disappoint more. so now, it's time to stop impressing and just do my best like all other times.

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There's this wave of nausea hitting me. I'm sorry to have ever trusted you at all for who you are and what i believe you were meant to be. this sense of betrayal deep within is jesting at the fact why i didn't listen to the others. Here i thought you were my friend, yet, perhaps i was wrong. You are but afterall, another attention-seeking fool, running off in all directions seeking glory in your work but you fail to see those around you. The glory you claim will forever be empty without those who support you, beside you. Who is this new friend i see? Whom have grown so distant and different after all these years.

and how silly i was, to have given myself a chance to believe in you again.

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To xun: :D it's really a week of surprises isn't it? it never really hit me that you would have found my blog and even post....sometimes, things just come full circle.

i'm really glad that somehow, the last shreds of yester-years can really come and go away, afterall...we are still friends.

"how have you been?"

what you've given me right now, is like a gift - and no birthday gift, belated or no, is ever as incredible as this.

(p.s YJC having a funfair on feb 9!!we are selling ice-balls...hahaha, you can drop by if you want! 2pm-9pm)

hope we can catch up on old times :D