Today i went down to the NAT library.....pretty glad that there weren't many people there....or else it would have been damn awkward...hahahaha

so yah, my fears were banished when i saw how many books there were for me to do research on the AFC...it was like a slap in the face for not having faith in our local library...lolz, realised that sorting information was important as well.

while walking down the aisle, i whipped past books like Global politics, psychology...social sciences blah blah blah, then images of people popped in my head. so humourously, i pinned jobs to friends i know and thought how it would suit them....hahahaha

so to start off - i tot of yvonne and her comfy desk sorting out literature reviews...working in some university marking some papers on literature.

then next is krist as i tot about her "weekly articles" on our sch life and perhaps maybe if she went into journalism, she might be successful...since the way she writes is always so engaging. you'll never know if you come across her column on the straits times 20years from now...speaking about our teenage kids...*drifts off*

and then it's nat with her kind face and soft voice coaching people how to speak....it's kinda cool man, to be able to teach people how to talk....(there's some irony here that i can't explain)

later i picture xinyi walking down the isle of a musuem explaining the various artifacts of singapore....lolz, don't quote me on this, it's just a feeling-cuz she did a fantastic job at the pw presentation last year plus she's studying history and all, so it sort of 1+1=2 thing.

then i can sort of see jia hao at a coffee-shop ordering his people around....lolz and then sit down and lim his kopi....and xiang jie sitting in jiahao's coffee shop reading the sports section of the newspapaer.

then adrain would most probably be sitting in a commentors office with his wise-cracks commeting on the tennis game.

then vanessa would be working in a hospital and then fall in love with a rich doctor and then get married and be a tai-tai....hahahaha

Ritesh will be sitting in some office signing on some document that will determine whether some contruction should be carried out anot because he knows the stuff on laws....

so then beryl will be sitting in her studio in new york to paint her latest work while listening to japanese songs....

and grace will be in some advertising firm drawing her gothic theme drawings for a new product.

and huishan will be in new zealand with her pe-teacher in their new partnership of river kayaking...

lastly, ismail would be somewhere in the world in some lab mixing some mew compound that might save the human specis.

anyway........still, i cannot see myself in any job. perhaps in some office analysing something? hahaha, that's precisely, my point - i hate offices, and i don't like to look at figures

but it seems like i'm doing the right things to get to the wrong place.

don't we all have to face up to reality sometime that some of the things we are good at, are not usually what we enjoy......

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Aren't adults scary? the things they teach us to fear...the dictators of our life.......the education system and it's pros and cons.

i'm supposed to be in charge of music and yet it seems like there's nothing i can do about it?there are things and sensitive areas which i would like to point out, but it seems like it doesn't come out right.

don't play other people's parts anymore...because you can't even master your own. i feel kinda disappointed that some members are playing other people's parts just because they like it - it's a very immature in terms of band development.

so what is the melody is nice? please do keep in mind why you're important also....when there's time to practise, please do, and if you know there's much to practice - however monotonous the routine may see - please practise

there's no use saying "we can do it, the band can do it" when you don't do what you promised to the band.

although i'm always bickering about the clarinet section, in actual fact, i'm very proud of them. angeline actually bothers to take down important stuff that i used to say....

it's very frustrating when your inner insecurities come in the way. like how i feel that the s.ls don't respect me at all and everyone's still in the sec sch mode of things where the sls only need to take attendance and play well.

the role of the sls is no more just playing well. it's about passing down the maturity of music-making to your members. THAT'S what we're here for....i can only do so much as to teach and guide the sls into the right direction, yet, so many times we fail to register what is doing the right thing at the right time.

don't force all of us down the same road to nowhere again....we're so close to taking the road to a better band but UNLESS your attitudes change, there's no point in BELIEVING that you can make syf and the concert happen.

because in actual fact - we're only but making the same mistakes again.