Hating your own Life

How do you hate your own life?

it is when circumstances which you cannot control, and know you must do, forces you in a direction of acknowledged self-destruction.

Then....why do we want to do so?

because everyone says that education can bring you afar. because everyone is prejudice against individuals who do not have the paper.

Then....why are we still in-secure?

because that piece of laminated/framed paper is a direct proof of out intelligence-whether you deny it or now...it is how the world judge us.

ask yourself, what comes to mind when you see Prof. Claudia Wong?

the most immediate reaction is awe, the next immediate reaciton is envy.

it is those reactions which fuels our insecurities.

the higher you reach into the corporate ladder, or academia, the more uncertain you are about the world.

why is this so? because you see a much broader picture which you never knew existed.

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i'm hating my life also.....hating the fact that innocent, pure clean fun has come and gone away and now, we're facing the preview of our future.

who says futures are bright?

if this is a preview of my future - filled with hardwork, filled with endless frustractions...then what kind of future am i building for myself?

we do not conciously acknowledge, that we base alot of our judgements on hearsay.

hearsay number 1: degrees get higher pay. - leading to....us chasing papers

hearsay number 2: being financially stable is a key indicator of success. - leading to.....high level of stress generated from clearing off debts of cars, condominiums which we know we cannot afford in the first place.

hearsay number 3: the arts is not going to support you in life - leading to....the high competition of mothers sending their children in science courses.

...see how destructive the ripple effect of one hearsay can cause our life.

indeed, what are we doing? studying the subjects which we do not actually like. Indeed? what is the use of doing all the homework.

i don't have the wisedom to answer each and every question that you might have.

because, perhaps i'm not too sure myself. but i'm trying as hard as i can...and i'm going to try and try and try and try until i die (except probability of course. that kind of math is sort of rubbish in my opinion)

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a few days again, i wasn't too sure of my abilities to lead. we just do things on the top of our heads, without giving much thought and processing.

i'm not a self-assured person...indeed, many of my actions show it. it will always be a question in my head if what i'm doing is RIGHT or WRONG. because... that's the easiest to answer.

then afterwards, i read something and thought about it....in band, or perhaps leadership, there is no right way or wrong way....as long as the job gets done.

and i recalled very shortly later, tt the OBS instructor once said that leaders will always have to balance the equilibrium of getting things done, and getting yuor member's comfortable.i'm far from reaching the equilibrium and one thing that is stopping me from reaching that is my doggedness and my insistance that things be done my way.

perhaps i've finally understood what is meant to do things the "other way".

it's not taking the conventional path where it'll still lead you back to your comfort zone.but more of taking the step where you can have different outcomes and learn from those outcomes. it's not something where words can describe.

more of the feeling i get now.

what do i want for the band?

- the first question has already puzzled me. i want too many things that confusion arises. so perhaps i'm going to learn from that and analyse what do i really want for the band.

1) To get a silver for SYF: to attain that, we need to focus and plan properly. when are times for sectionals, what is to be covered. it's that simple, but hardly do we understand the power of simple things

2) To have a successful concert: I'll probably have to start planning now and get the emcees, script blah blah blah ready. was thinking of asking mr heng to write the script.

see? it's that simple, just sorting the big picture out.

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what is in my tone that infuriates people? most probably i sound very directive....doing things my way instead of another way.

i've come to realise that doing things another way, is not to give way to your members and perhaps get run over in the end.

it's having a firm ground and analyse the different approaches one can take to make certain decisions.

it's still not perfect yet....but i believe that i'm on the right path.

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why do so many people want to be leaders?

because you can have all the attention and glamour?

oh please......being a leader is to be much more....

so here i urge all leaders - to take ownership of your organisation because only when we own the organisation, can we feel the consequences of our decisions.

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Own your life, and don't hate it......perhaps own in ways which you can at least accept if not enjoy.

because the circumstances in life will never be with us...but always against us because we let it.