is spending $30.80 in a day too much? i feel damn guilty now la....seriously.....shopping is like pre-marital sex. you anticipate doing it...you feel good doing it, but after that...the guilt just kicks right in the gut. so moral of the story? when you feel guilty, don't go shopping.

so anyway, i've decided to push everything behind and focus. as my kindly yvonne have so kindly reminded me....i'll not get over it so fast....it'll take time. and meanwhile, the needles will prick, or rather, the red ants will still bite on my ass.

okay, i'm seriously getting more and more vulgar in my language, gotta watch it more often now.

interesting isn't it?

anger works better on some people.

the "easy" way out, hell, even our parents get angry with us so that they won't feel hurt.

so - don't feel that you should take all the blame of when parents are angry with you...somehow, they're also like friends, who need time to think through, but unlike friendships, their love is so strong that i believe everyhting will turn out well in the end. just forgive and forget though it is hard.

i don't know....why so many people pray to go to heaven and not to hell....why so many people want to reincarnate to be a human again....

if heaven that i know, were to be something like that one earth. perhaps i'm not keen to go anywhere.

if being a human again is going to be so tiring, then maybe i'll choose to be that dumb, short-lived goldfish in a bowl.

Happiness is bliss.....it's a double-noun.....grammatically wrong.

but to my ears, they sound so complementary. happiness comtributes to bliss, and in return, bliss brings happiness.

hahahaha~

today, i told yvonne things i'll never tell anyone else. and finally i know how it feels to talk to someone who isn't even in the same school as you. but understands you well enough to give you the right answers. somehow the withdraw isn't as great, but it's still there. rather, it gives me strength to know that we can still carry on....maybe on as before, but just carry on.

what do i truly want from j.c?

what is my purpose in pursuing geography?

where am i going?

questions i can only answer when i'm at the check-point.

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xinyi: sometimes, people misunderstand us, because of the actor-observer effect. it sounds corny but true. you're not an alcholic when you're drinking tequila. sometimes, you just want to drown your thoughts alone in a pub.

people don't give chances, because life don't give chances to us. if life were to give chances, imagine what the world will be like. trodden with guilt, with reliance and most importantly, with tragedy.

life doesn't give chances because, today i realise, it gives something else. it brings meaning to your existance. no longer do i pursue the meaning of my existence because it is all very simple. if life give chances and make it all smooth-sailing. then there is no meaning.

it's hard to tell you not to feel sad, altough that is our wish for you. to feel better....but realistically speaking, we can offer you comfort by giving you hope and perhaps temporal joy to distract you from the pain.

sometimes, as nat has said, words really do hurt.

as far as i'm concerned, it's important and ironically easier to step over the hurt- because to crave acceptance, you may have to accept others as well. that perhaps also the reason why people take advantage of each other, not appreciating each other - it is because everyone is afraid of getting hurt. and when we're really hurt when what we believe will hurt us - self-fulfilling prophecies occur, and indeed - that's where everything comes apart.

-don't feel that you're secondary in my mind-

friendships have no place in my mind, it has a position in my heart, and because of that....let it guide you through times of hardship and pain.