Life Expectancy: 65 Years
Claud An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart. She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art. For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up, in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Air Pump
Air pump
*biting fingernails*
*fidgiting*
*dreamless sleep*
So tell me when will all these end? my life i mean...not just this. 40 more years? my life line ain't that long. maybe i'll die in a car crash, maybe i'll die in a plane crash. maybe i'll be an innocent victim of a terrorist attack. maybe as jialiang have mentioned, i'll choke on my reed and die.
so many ways to go....but when? when is our time?
Is it destined that I should not have friends. And those who are still around me see me as some sort of a back-up? Shirmain looks for me only when she’s in trouble. What does that say to you? I also longed to have someone to understand me. I also long to understand someone. It’s been thought that friends should do that. You know, you pin so much hope on someone, and maybe it’s not fair to them to do so. Then when all else fails, yah….that’s when your world comes crashing down.
i realize now that I fit nowhere. Nowhere at all. Not at my family, not in school, not with friends….no where. Maybe if others feel that this is better for them, then so be it. I’ll cease to exist whatever the reason.
i realize now that I fit nowhere. Nowhere at all. Not at my family, not in school, not with friends….no where. Maybe if others feel that this is better for them, then so be it. I’ll cease to exist whatever the reason.
There’s some glimmer of hope that someone can tell me that they care. No. when I cried, no one bothered only a few because they care. And I’m afraid of losing them too. Beryl, grace and huishan. Really. Sometimes, you know that things aren’t pretty. And you know there will be more to come in the future. It’s not comforting to know that the people around you are the ones care about. Yet, how can you hurt someone that you care about?
Is it my carelessness? It seems to be everything that I do. And somehow deep inside, there’s a suspicion that it’s the root of every problem. I’m careless with my words, careless with my thoughts, careless with my work.
So does that make me any less a horrible human being? If this is part of the growing stage, then I’d rather not be in it. because maybe I care too much, that’s why it hurts. Yet again, who am I to say? Since the ones reading this may hurt even more for all that is worth.
In this world, when people say good things to you, it shows that they care. So many times, when people hurt other people with words it show that they do not care. Want to test this theory? Just look at him, how many of us hates the way he says things. And even more rumours about him being hated in the school.
But have anyone thought otherwise. That perhaps he’s also human and he truly cares about the people around him? If he doesn’t then why does he want to be responsible? For his reputation? but he still cares you....he's anxious for our welfare.
So it just boils down of not being able to communicate. Yes, the sad truth is that when I was in japan, they felt that I was a great visitor in their home. Because I couldn’t speak their language. so what would've happened if i do speak their language?
If I had a choice all over again, maybe being a human is not such an attractive one.
I don’t know. You’re hurting inside more than me, yet once again, who am I to say?
Gaston Leroux, the phantom of the opera. The outcast of humanity who lives off hatred and jealousy. His character is compelling to me. Because I can see myself as such a person. Who will one day wallow in my own darkness.in case you didn't know, those who have depression often perform better than those who did not. so you want to be successful? you have to trade off happiness.
Yet so many years later I’m still hurting the ones I care about. It’s a paradox you know. If you care about someone, why would you hurt them? I cannot answer that question. Maybe if you listen close enough, perhaps I am too self-absorbed to care whatever you’re thinking about. Maybe I care, but not the way you expected it to be. I cannot say pretty things in front of your face. It’s easier to criticize. I cannot show you how great a person you are, until I hurt you and say sorry.
That was why previously, I said that there is no way I can be the friend you want me to be. It's fortunate for me to still have friends who care about me. Perhaps I’m destined to be the lonely soul who is supposed to die rich but alone. Just like the closing scene in the phantom of the opera,
“Go now – Go now and leave me”
Indeed, it’s a masquerade, and those brave enough to show their distorted faces share the same consequences as the phantom himself.
“Masquerade
Paper faces on parade,
Masquerade,
Hide your face,
So the world will
Never find you……..”
Is it my carelessness? It seems to be everything that I do. And somehow deep inside, there’s a suspicion that it’s the root of every problem. I’m careless with my words, careless with my thoughts, careless with my work.
So does that make me any less a horrible human being? If this is part of the growing stage, then I’d rather not be in it. because maybe I care too much, that’s why it hurts. Yet again, who am I to say? Since the ones reading this may hurt even more for all that is worth.
In this world, when people say good things to you, it shows that they care. So many times, when people hurt other people with words it show that they do not care. Want to test this theory? Just look at him, how many of us hates the way he says things. And even more rumours about him being hated in the school.
But have anyone thought otherwise. That perhaps he’s also human and he truly cares about the people around him? If he doesn’t then why does he want to be responsible? For his reputation? but he still cares you....he's anxious for our welfare.
So it just boils down of not being able to communicate. Yes, the sad truth is that when I was in japan, they felt that I was a great visitor in their home. Because I couldn’t speak their language. so what would've happened if i do speak their language?
If I had a choice all over again, maybe being a human is not such an attractive one.
I don’t know. You’re hurting inside more than me, yet once again, who am I to say?
Gaston Leroux, the phantom of the opera. The outcast of humanity who lives off hatred and jealousy. His character is compelling to me. Because I can see myself as such a person. Who will one day wallow in my own darkness.in case you didn't know, those who have depression often perform better than those who did not. so you want to be successful? you have to trade off happiness.
Yet so many years later I’m still hurting the ones I care about. It’s a paradox you know. If you care about someone, why would you hurt them? I cannot answer that question. Maybe if you listen close enough, perhaps I am too self-absorbed to care whatever you’re thinking about. Maybe I care, but not the way you expected it to be. I cannot say pretty things in front of your face. It’s easier to criticize. I cannot show you how great a person you are, until I hurt you and say sorry.
That was why previously, I said that there is no way I can be the friend you want me to be. It's fortunate for me to still have friends who care about me. Perhaps I’m destined to be the lonely soul who is supposed to die rich but alone. Just like the closing scene in the phantom of the opera,
“Go now – Go now and leave me”
Indeed, it’s a masquerade, and those brave enough to show their distorted faces share the same consequences as the phantom himself.
“Masquerade
Paper faces on parade,
Masquerade,
Hide your face,
So the world will
Never find you……..”
12:01
The People/Websites that make me Smile
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Yong Quan
Xinyi
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Tarrant - poetry
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Because public spaces can be friendly
For the trivia junkie
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6 Billion Secrets
Tales of Romantic Dead Ends
Graphic books, graphic knowledge
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