Claud

An avid collector of your hopes and worries, a romantic at heart.

She thanks her fairies, for blessing her with people who know compassion down to an art.

For accepting her for who she is, who never fails to turn up,

in times of need as well as happiness, or just there for a loving hug.

i feel so damn freaking stupid.....don't even know where to start to explain.

today's pw erupted a chain of thoughts. like when krist, xinyi and ritesh were going through the edited pw, all my grammatical mistakes and sentence structures were atrocious la. then start reading other people's blogs and then entry after entry of sadness and frustrations....then somehow there's nothing i can do or say to help because you're not really involved in their lives you know? Hate it when you can do nothing about a situation.

I consider myself as a person who requires to be in control. If control is not at hand, i'll panic and sometimes even be in hysteria. Although i don't show it, but failing subjects pushes me into over-drive.

Yes, there's no way i can accept failure. failure from friendships, failure in my duty, failure in my studies put evey nerve into overdrive....right now, as you can see, i've succeeded to put myself into the 3 failure categories.

*pulls hair*

*silence*

i cannot possibly demand that everyone's life is happy and peaceful just so that i don't need to worry for them. conversely, i cannot make myself happy all the time so that others around you are happy.

there has been a blanket of sadness around these days...nat getting sick, dylon and his blog problems, guanyu and our band...everyone's depressed about results.

one thing really leads to another, remember fri i was feeling quite happy, then after that seeing that everyone was bored and dragging their feet around. at that instant i was angry at the world. thinking, why is everyone thinking that it's a torture to come to school and study? what's the problem of gaining new knowledge everyday?

i'm still angry, angry at myself for the incapacity of making everyone happy with jokes or lame remarks. that was why i left immediately for math because any second longer, i would've exploded. and apparently i didn't know that some people don't like others to shout. but then anyone would've argued that ignorance is not an excuse...no one likes anyone to shout.


you know what? i don't know why i'm so angry....it's just that the people you care most seem to not give a damn how you feel sometimes. i'm not implying that everyone needs to give me attention. it's just a peeve when you're feeling happy and everyone is feeling sad....so end up you feel sad also...

i also find it very frustrating when you know you're not supposed to be irritated with a friend, but then you are...and there's this fighting going on inside your brain which tells you to keep in control because you still treasure that friendship?

countless times i want to tell so many people to get lost. so many times i held my breath just so that i don't commit the same mistake. *tightens fists*

*spits* they were damn right when they say that change wasn't going to be easy.

we can be angry at different people and then we suffer from it in the end.

wouldn't it be easier to transfer that anger in indifference and make your life slightly better?
and be true to the sense of the word - why bother